I am exhausted of feeling the need to be strong all the time. I feel the tiredness in my bones and soul.
I am sick and tired of having to be strong all the time. I am sick and tired of pretending that nothing is wrong. I no longer can go on pretending that I have it all together.
I’ve always felt that somehow, I can’t achieve everything I want, that I am not able to do things on my own. I’ve always admired independent and strong people, but I’ve never thought I would be like them. Yet, I became exactly that.
However, everything has a limit and I’ve reached mine.
I held on for a long time, being strong for everyone and for myself. And while I was trying to stand strong on my two feet, life was throwing more blows at me, taking everything I loved away from me.
I had no choice but to start anew. On my own and stronger than ever.
I feel like I am not allowed to cry. I feel like I am not allowed to break down because no one expects that from me. People expect me to be strong all the time. In fact, they are accustomed to that because I’ve never shown my vulnerable side to anyone.
And that’s the problem. Because they don’t think that anything can bring me down. They think I don’t need help. That I have it all figured out only because I am strong and self-sufficient.
The truth is, I feel too much and show too little. When I am alone at night, sometimes I cry my eyes out because I am so tired of everything. I am exhausted of always being the backbone and having to stay strong for others.
I, too, need someone to support me and be there for me. I, too, need someone to listen to me. Someone to hug me. Someone who will understand me when I tell them how difficult it is for me.
I want to stop pretending. I want to show my vulnerability without disappointing the people who expect me to be strong. I want to rely on someone other than myself for a change.