Lately, I cannot help but notice all of those posts from new blogger, stay-at-home moms and housewives that complain about how exhausted they are from all that work around the house.
I’ve been following a bunch of them on Instagram for quite some time because I figured that I could find some useful tips about life with toddlers, now that my nephew turned one.
And to be honest, they’ve really helped me. Most of them usually share a lot of useful information like feeding a child, birthing experiences, dos, and don’ts in baby homemade food, interesting outfit ideas, safe, DIY toys and whatnot.
But there is something else I’ve noticed that I just cannot get out of my mind for days. Most of these moms always mention how tired and drained they are from taking care of a baby and keeping the house in order. And I get that, we’ve all been there. It is life.
The thing that bothers me up to the core of my being is that even though it seems like they are struggling to manage everything, they never forget to share whenever their husband ‘helps’ them around the house. What’s even sadder, they praise them for doing the bare minimum as if they did something special.
Sounds familiar, right?
Of course, it does. It is the 21st century, yet I am pretty sure that at least 50 percent of the population still divides chores by gender norms. Men are expected to be the ones who bring home the bacon, while women are the ones whose job is to stay at home, take care of the children, make dinner and yeah, pretty much manage the whole household on their own.
Husbands, when will you understand that it is not your occasional help that we need, but your willingness to do whatever needs to be done?
It is not our job as women to run the whole household on our own. It is not our job as wives to always serve you hot dinner and give you a cold beer when you are too busy clicking on the remote to get up and get one yourself. And it is not our job as mothers to raise our children on our own. We are not your maids, nor your servants.
We’ve said YES because we want to share a life with you. A life where we both are equally responsible for everything that happens to us. A life where we both give equal effort to take care of our love nest and raise responsible and independent, young adults. That is why we want a partner who doesn’t hesitate to do everything that needs to be done. Not a momma’s boy who doesn’t know how to make his own dinner and refuses to clean the dishes.
And please don’t give me that talk that if I need help, I should just ask for it. If someone else tells me that, I swear to you, I will lose it.
It is not my job to always keep track of how much help I need. And it is certainly not my job to always make it obvious to you how EXHAUSTED I really am.
I didn’t sign up for this. I REFUSE to carry all the weight on my own. And I refuse to teach you consideration. If you were mature enough to get married and bring children to this world, you should be smart and considerate enough to know what your job is without being constantly reminded of it.
Your full-time job is not an excuse to avoid taking care of all the things that come with adulting. You should contribute to running the household the same way that your wife does. This means cooking dinner, making breakfast, taking the children to school, swiping the floor, doing the dishes, talking to your children about their problems, taking them to the playground, feeding the pet, taking out the trash, rinsing your toilet, etc.
The list is ever-growing. But that is not a problem when you and your partner equally share the weight of it.
Remember this. We don’t need your help. We need a partner who won’t hesitate to do whatever needs to be done.