If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, probably you have a hard time forgiving yourself for allowing the abuser to inflict so much pain on your heart. You cannot forgive yourself for accepting the horrible behavior and calling it ‘love.’
Perhaps now you regret not having left them sooner and this regret leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. You don’t know how to reconcile yourself with your wounded heart. You feel as if you ended one war with the abuser only to step into another with yourself.
If you feel this way, please stop for a moment and look at how far you have gone. You ended one abusive relationship for good. You shut the door behind and you moved on. Yes, you might still think of them from time to time, but you chase away those thoughts even though they are still hurting you. Could you please accept that as a win?
You did everything that you could. To err is human, and you have to forgive yourself for being naïve and falling for the abuser’s sweet words and manipulations. You just have to trust and give yourself another chance.
I really hope that you can see the wonderful person that you are. That you see all the goodness in you. You are full of kindness, empathy, and love. You help everyone and respect everyone.
Could you please treat yourself with the same kindness and love as you treat everyone else? You have a big heart of gold and yet, here you are – not making a place for yourself in it. Please do. Allow yourself to be happy again. Treat yourself good and stop punishing yourself.
I wish I could tell you that this will pass, and you’ll never feel pain again. But I know, and you know that this is not true. However, I can promise you that it won’t hurt as bad. It would be a different kind of pain. Because you have learned your lesson and you have reclaimed your boundaries and self-respect and now you know better.
You will heal. Trust me.
You will start noticing all the beautiful things around you. Your heart will be singing again, and you’ll begin appreciating all the little things that once meant the world for you.
I wish I could be there with you and hug you and tell you that it is okay to cry your heart out so that you can finally let go of the pain and move forward. To tell you that you have an immense strength of character and a light that can shine through all the hardships of life.
Understand that self-love doesn’t always have to be narcissistic. Contrary, it is crucial element of being a whole and healthy person. Also, having boundaries and self-respect is one way of loving yourself.
Finally, after you reach the point of reconciliation and really forgiving yourself – your heart and mind will connect again. You will be at peace.
“Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.”
― Danielle Bernock
Image: Alberto Monteraz