Getting over someone you never really had can be harder than getting over a painful breakup with someone you were in a relationship with because with the one you were involved with – you were there with them. You shared experiences, you fought together, slept together, ate together, and you broke up together.
On the other hand, when you are trying to get over someone you never really had a relationship with, all you have is you and your thoughts of what could have been. And this is just as painful (if not more painful) than crying over what has been.
I was recently in a situation where I was dumped by a guy I haven’t even met. We were only texting and talking on the phone, but our phone talks lasted no less than 3 hours (sometimes more) because we talked about everything. I found myself inexplicably connected to him.
We shared everything. The whole phone thing lasted 2 months since he was living in another country and we had decided to take everything slow before we make plans to meet up. But, after 2 months, when I was falling head over heels in love with this man, I received a text message from him reading that he doesn’t think that he is a match for me, that he cares about me, but he didn’t feel a romantic connection.
I was heartbroken. I was in shock. I just couldn’t believe what has happened. All my hopes were shattered. I couldn’t get over the fact that he decided to dump me before even meeting me!
I felt like an idiot for falling for a guy I didn’t even meet. But, I am someone who is all in or all out – there is no in between. I never felt confused about how I feel about some guy. I never thought, “hey this guy seems fine, but I don’t know yet how I feel about him,” because I always know how I feel.
That’s why when I fall for someone, I fall hard.
So, how have I gotten over the pain?
I realized that sometimes a potential looks better than the reality. Sometimes we are guilty of falling for the potential we see with someone rather than the real person. And our wishes and fantasies can really blur our vision.
I realized that there is nothing wrong with me. The thing is, not everyone is a match. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what’s wrong with you and what you can change so that you won’t repel the next person, because you can’t drive away the person who is meant for you.
I distanced myself from anything that reminded me of him. That means I deleted his phone number and unfollowed him on social media because I realized that the more, I stalk him, the longer the pain will linger within me.
I started feeling good again. I looked good. I felt good. I started going out with my friends. I invested in myself. I was doing the things I love. I was happy. I still am.
And I know that everything happened for a reason. Sometimes the universe separates us from someone out of the blue because it’s for our higher good. Because that person was not the person we are meant to be with.