Home Love & Relationships Here’s Why Undivided And Selective Attention Is Any Date’s Most Attractive Trait

Here’s Why Undivided And Selective Attention Is Any Date’s Most Attractive Trait


In a world where we’re constantly multitasking our lives, we often tend to get carried away and distracted to a certain point where we fail to give the expected attention.

This eventually affects our relationships and also prevents us from engaging in the development of new ones.

It’s logical that divided attention reduces the chances to experience chemistry with another human being because the more distracted someone is, the more disinterested and indifferent they seem.

Distraction signals disinterest.

On the other hand, we’ve all had the experience of spending most of our time with a person with whom the chemistry was something magical, something completely out of this world.

And you know what makes these experiences different? One word. Attention. Or the lack of it.

The secrets of Speed-Dating Research

Speed-dating is known to be a better source for meeting individuals rather than parties or actual dates because the participants in the speed dating are there for one thing only. A potential romantic relationship.

When you carefully observe speed-dating you can learn a lot about a person’s intentions, needs, and most importantly the possibility of chemistry between two people who just met.

Although it is the real killer of romance, speed dating is a pragmatic and useful way to meet a potential partner. It involves series of face-to-face interactions that last several minutes.

Even though it seems like a very limited amount of time to get to know a person, researches have shown that people are able to gather enough information to decide whether they want to give someone a try or not.

It’s considered as a practical method for meeting people because at the core of its existence lays the most important thing people usually crave for. A face-to-face interaction that has the power to ignite a powerful chemistry.

This tells us that the most common source of attraction in speed-dating is the undivided attention, even if it lasts for only a couple of minutes.

Now, according to the speed-dating studies, it is revealed that perceived unique desire often results with reciprocal unique desire. The research confirms the difference in attractiveness between a person who pays equal attention to everyone, and someone who appears to be uniquely interested in you.

That’s why, when there are no caution signs of a certain ulterior motive, we’re more likely to be attracted to selective attention.

However, it is important to understand that the research shows that after all, men and women respond to attention quite differently.

A 2015 study named “Individual differences in dispositional mindfulness and initial romantic attraction: A speed dating experiment,” examined the impact of dispositional mindfulness, which in their terms is “paying attention in a particular way—on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally,’’ and revealed positive interpersonal effects of mindfulness due to its ability to improve communication and emotional regulation.

The result showed that while men were more likely to notice a physically attractive woman, despite her level of mindfulness, women valued mindfulness in men more than their physical appearance.

The findings were surprisingly unexpected, considering that a previous study already indicated that women usually prioritize male physical attractiveness.

Moreover, the researchers noted that men with dispositional mindfulness are usually able to interact with another human being without feeling pressured by the anxiety speed-dating produces.

 As a result, the lack of anxiety plus their dispositional mindfulness also makes them better at establishing a communication.

At the end of the day, it is safe to say that whether the first conversation triggers a powerful chemistry or ignites fireworks, first dates are a great way to meet new people, even if they end up friends.

And, naturally, because every attention or the lack of it reveals a person’s intention, every date or a meet-up can be a win-win situation. It all depends on your perspective.

Image:Muzi Sufi

Stephanie Reeds