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Forgiving Is Not About Being Nice To Others, It’s About Being Nice To Yourself

Forgiving Is Not About Being Nice To Others, It’s About Being Nice To Yourself

We all know what to do when we hurt ourselves. Instinctively, the first thing that comes to mind is to alleviate the pain in any way possible. It hurts us, so logically we do whatever it takes to make it all go away. To help ourselves end our suffering. To stop struggling and ultimately to find relief.

But, if that’s the reality, then explain to me this. Why do we enjoy torturing ourselves when we are hurt emotionally?

When it comes to physical pain, we are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome it, but when it comes to emotional pain, it seems like we enjoy prolonging our misery. Oftentimes we do this by holding onto our ill feelings for way too long, blaming other people, and holding onto grudges our entire life. We force ourselves to relieve those worst moments over and over again, thinking that the more we despise someone for doing us wrong, the better off we’ll be.

Well, that’s not true and you know it.

The only thing that can help you heal in situations like those is forgiveness. The moment you finally decide to forgive someone for everything they’ve done, you are on your road to freedom. I know it sounds hard to do it, but trust me, forgiveness is much more about you than it is about someone else. It’s about finding your peace and letting go of all the anger, resentment, and hate. It’s about being free, at last.

Believe me, there is nothing worse than holding on to grudges.

Do not seek vengeance. Do not plot revenge. Do not fill your heart with hate.

Lugging around guilt, shame, hate, self-loathing will not bring your back in time and change things. It will only make your life more and more miserable. Whatever happened in the past happened. It hurts to say this, it really does, but there is nothing you can do to change that. So, why bother? Instead of holding on to those negative feelings, let them melt away and just move on with your life. The hate and resentment that is building up inside of you will only eat you from inside. So, get over it. Let it all go. Turn a blank page and keep moving forward.

And if you don’t know how to do that, then let these following steps guide you…

1. Try to find compassion. It’s the only way you’ll start healing.

2. Erase that person from your mind. Imagine that they are not in your life and they never even were.

3. Promise yourself that you will find what makes you happy and hold onto it. Decide that you will never ever let anything or anyone ruin your happiness.

4. Try to see things from different perspectives. Keep in mind that we all have different realities that we believe in. Just because you think something is okay, doesn’t mean that it really is.

5. Go far away from people and take as much time as you need to heal. Scream, yell, shout, do whatever you feel like doing. But get rid of it.

6. Remind yourself that in a year, you won’t even remember this experience.

7. No matter what happened, always remember that the only thing that matters the most is finding your own peace and your own happiness.

Stephanie Reeds