Home Stories Calm Down, Dear: The Dark Side of ‘Emotional Intelligence’

Calm Down, Dear: The Dark Side of ‘Emotional Intelligence’


No matter how much humanity is spiritually evolved and propagates equality between men and women, there are still societies that show a great deal of cultural preconceptions and gender stereotyping.

And even though there are plenty of books and studies that very analytically explain the significance and especially the difference, between the IQ and the EQ (emotional intelligence), some people (mostly men) still think that “emotional intelligence” is solely a womanly characteristic and the rest of society (men) are gifted with its opposite, the “logical intelligence”. (1)

For centuries many wise people have tried to tell humanity and even scientifically explain, that men and women are equal, made of the same energy. And this is the most important thing that we must remember – we are all made from the same elemental substance, both sexes, only the outer appearance is different.

Inside, we are all the same and if we are the same in essence, than we are equally given the same ability to use this essence by the means of our brain and our emotions.

The difference is in the way we use them, how we show them, and for what reason and purpose we do. So there is no need to label emotions solely as female characteristic and intelligence of the mind as a male characteristic.

For ages this male-ruled society, the media, all sorts of books, and almost everything that has something to do with the public opinion had the emphasis on propagating how women are always so fragile. They have been shown as “maidens in distress” and there always had to be a prince that rescues the princess.

But this is the fairy tale, the male always being the smart and the brave one, and the female always needed some sort of rescuing because she only had her emotions to scream for help, but not the brains to think a way out!

An interesting and subtle way of telling where the place of the woman is, isn’t it? The problem is that this kind of manipulative propaganda left very deep and false conceptions that women are the emotional ones, and the men, the smart ones.

People need to understand that there are differences between the approaches to perceiving and facing reality, but men and women can be equally emotional, or smart, ignorant or unemotional. (2)

And there is no such thing as “female” or “male” brain, “womanly emotions” or “male emotions”. The energy that creates our emotions and the brain as an organ are absolutely neutral.

They are only tools to help us see, understand and express our own reality. There can be negative or positive usage of them, which depends on our education, our family, society and culture and our own choices how to cope with reality.  We can choose to be more emotional in the matter we are dealing with or more pragmatic, but it is a choice, we are not bound to use and have only emotions or only brain!

If a girl didn’t had the chance to go to school because her parents come from a society where women aren’t considered even a living being, when someone dumb enough has the nerve to judge her and say that she is too emotional, and uneducated, is he right?

Or when men come from a country where the culture there invites them openly to express their emotions and love and celebrate women as their soul mates, someone from a society where woman are neglected can’t possibly understand this and they’ll say that these men are too emotional, that they aren’t “men’ enough.

I think that we can see who the uneducated one here is.

One should know that there is nothing wrong with openly expressing emotions, it doesn’t mean that they are ignorant or uneducated. It just means that they acknowledge their emotions to be as important as the brain.

The mind and our emotions always go together. Remember that all smart people are not wise and all wise people know that no matter how true a word can be, said without emotions can never penetrate inside one’s soul. We are nothing without our emotions.

A person with only a diploma or a business degree (no matter the title), is maybe successful in his work, but does he get the same appreciation from his family too?

Once again I say that the brain is a tool so we can accommodate ourselves to the ever-changing life conditions and evolve spiritually while we do this, and emotions are tools to express ourselves so the others can truly know that we are evolving.

So you see, if you don’t tell someone how you feel no matter how smart you are, the other is no psychic, he can leave and never come back.

Intelligence is needed to help you express your feeling in the right moment, to the right person, in the right place. Brain and emotion do go together.

Emotions without the mind are only voices shout out loud, and a mind without emotion produces only a mechanical life without an ounce of happiness and love. And I believe that no matter if one is a woman or a man, they both want to be happy and loved for the rest of their lives.

David Smith


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