Bad heartbreaks are like shipwrecks or like a day from hell. Well, a day that lasts a bit longer. Like a year or so.
How do you sever all ties with someone? It’s not as easy as pouring a splash of milk in your coffee.
Breaking up with someone does not take as little as looking yourself in the mirror and repeating the same mantra: I am better off without them; I have done nothing wrong. I am the victim here.
First, you need to understand your emotions. Why do you feel the way you feel? Who is accountable? Being real and honest with yourself is the key to successfully overcoming any emotional burden. Asking the right questions and then answering them matters more than you think.
Pin down what your partner has done wrong and then ask yourself what you did wrong. It’s easy to say you did nothing wrong and that the other person is to blame, but that is rarely the case. We are all accountable for our actions and words, so reflect. Try to understand how what you did hurt your partner, then move slowly towards accepting it.
Apologize, admit your faults. Admitting that you did something wrong and saying you’re sorry for it is a victory – the biggest, most valuable present wrapped up in a golden-ribbon box that you can give to yourself.
Sometimes, we start arguing and insulting our partners and we toss the blame from one side of the playground to the other. Emotional preparation is not just a mere uttering of words. It means not bursting into flames or refusing to listen, but understanding that some people are not meant for each other.
If you and your partner understand and respect each other, you should end the relationship in a healthy way through positive and constructive feedback. You shouldn’t torment your minds or let the breakup affect your everyday lives.
Focusing on the fact that emotions don’t last and reinforcing that idea won’t make you worry about being hurt for centuries or about being bitter for the rest of your life. It’ll just make you more prepared for life.
Remember, there is no one on this planet who hasn’t gone through a heartbreak.
Heartbreak is crucial for growth and that’s how you let go of the ones that have hurt you – by knowing you have hurt them at some point, by taking your part of the responsibility, by becoming aware of your imperfections, by working on them, not by accusing everyone of being a douchebag.
The other side has to do that self-reflection too, but that’s their journey.
Crashing our egos equals letting go.
So, I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but don’t be afraid of letting go. It is the only way you can actually get to know yourself and be prepared for future relationships. It is the only way to become wiser, stronger, and more knowledgeable.
Letting go of someone you love is not easy, but it is attainable. It is going to give you a different perspective on life–a perspective where you are the leader, the hustler. Just don’t look back.
Some people are not right for each other, but that doesn’t mean they are not special to each other. They are each other’s prophets, harbingers of wisdom and emotional maturity. You should welcome them with arms wide open.