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Awakenings Are Not Always Pretty. Sometimes They Are Ugly, Dark, Painful And Very Challenging


Real awakenings are not fairytale scenarios. The bright light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always there. There isn’t hopeful, encouraging music, no shortcut to the scene where we finally make it.

You cannot skip the real thing in order to get to the end. You cannot avoid the pain and struggles. You cannot fast forward to the end. Because real awakenings, real changes are as real as they get.

Waking up means seeing things for the first time. It means accepting ourselves for who we really are, hating what we see and striving to become a better person. It means crying until you fall asleep. It means fighting with yourself. It means asking a question but having no one but yourself to answer it. Real awakenings are sometimes brutal. They hurt like a sharp razor-blade knife cutting through your skin. They sting like a thin, pointy needle poking your skin. But in the end, they are what shape you into the person you need to be.

Changes don’t always feel good. Sometimes, they are messy, confusing, dark, ugly and very challenging.  Sometimes they make you feel like your heart is breaking to pieces because your insecurities are louder than your self-confidence. Sometimes they make you doubt every step that you took to get here. Sometimes, they make you feel like you are not going to make it. You wake up alone and terrified in the middle of the night feeling anxious about your future. And it feels like you are caught between the person that you are and the person that you’ve always wanted to become.

But then, when you least expect it, something happens. A flash of light appears, a voice from inside whispers, a rush of love warms your soul, and something tells you that you are safe. Something inside of you releases you and makes you feel lighter than ever. The bricks inside of you that were weighing you down are now gone. You are torn open, but you are now free and calm. The storms inside of you are gone. There is only one, bright ray of sunlight showing you your way.

That is what real awakenings feel like. That is what real changes do to you.

They expose you to all ugly, dark parts of your soul. They remind you of the secrets, mistakes, the shameful stuff that you’ve done and all our dreams that were never given a chance. They face you with the things that you’ve avoided for so long. They force you to look at yourself in the mirror and accept everything that you see, no matter how dark and ugly that reality is.

And just like that, they pour light over our flawed, imperfect selves.

The truth is, awakenings don’t come after anyone. They seek out those who are ready to face the inevitable change. The ones who are aware that there isn’t any shortcut to the truth. The ones who ready to walk that rocky, unpaved road to get to their desired destination. And the ones who know that it will all be worth it in the end.

Real changes are difficult, dark, ugly and sometimes challenging, but they are the only way for us to grow and shape ourselves into the person that we’ve always strived to become.

Stephanie Reeds