Quite honestly, I like to think that I’m a smart girl. I don’t party too much, I don’t talk to strangers, and I have a pretty good judge of character. Well, that’s what I thought at least. Recently, I found out that I’m not as good at reading people as I once thought. In fact, I’m so terrible at it that I managed to fall in love with the worst human being I’ve ever met.
If I could turn back time, I’d warn myself to run as far away as possible. Maybe then I could save myself from so much heartache and pain. This is a letter to my former self – please don’t fall for a narcissistic man.
You’re Just a Game
He was charming, handsome, alluring. His smile made me weak at the knees and the look in his eyes made me feel like I was special. When he spoke, he said all the right things and had me believing that I was the most important person in his life. Truly, this was a man playing a sick game – and I was drawn in like a fly to honey.
Everything he did and everything that he said was completely calculated. All he cared about was winning me, not loving me. I was just a game to him. Worse still, I was his prey.
He was going to hunt me down until I gave in willingly.
He Was Never “Protective”
Every single day that I was with him, he bombarded me with accusations. He questioned me about where I was, who I’d spoken to, and what I was planning to do next.
It was like a goddamn criminal investigation.
It bothered me at first, but I was blind enough to believe me when he told me that he was just being protective. I was dumb enough to think that his jealousy and paranoia were because he cared. The truth, however, was that he never really cared. He was just projecting all his insecurity onto me and doing everything that he could to control me.
I wish I’d seen the truth behind his constant accusation, but I didn’t. Instead, I went along with it. As a result, I even began to change my ways just to please him. I stopped seeing friends and family, gave up my hobbies, and spent every moment with him just to make him feel more at peace.
I put my life on hold just to make a monster happy.
Love Doesn’t Require You to Prove Yourself
When I was so blinded by love for him, I did the worst thing imaginable – I told him that I was willing to do anything to prove my love.
Of course, he used that against me at any chance he could. When he wanted something from me, he’d give me the silent treatment or lash out at me. He would tell me that I was worthless because he knew that he could manipulate me when I believed it. I lost all respect for myself, and he exploited that as a result.
Believe me when I say that this was a man that I would have given my life and soul for. No matter what I needed to do to make him happy, I would do it, but it was never enough. There’s no way to really please a narcissist, but I bent over backward to try anyway.
I truly wish I’d know then what I know now. Falling for a narcissist is the worst mistake I’ve made in my life. It destroyed my trust, my happiness, and my confidence in myself. So, former me, please stay away. Don’t be fooled by his charm because it’s all just a façade. Trust me, he is a monster that you don’t need in your life.
To the person reading this who’s had their heart broken by a narcissist, please know that you are worth so much more than that. What you deserve most of all is to be able to move on from their abuse and allow yourself to heal.