I had always been the girl who was smiling all the time. Always positive. Always looking at the beautiful things in life. Always believing in the good in people. I was a walking happiness.
I never imagined that I’d experience that tremendous kind of pain that comes from dealing with a narcissist. I didn’t deserve to have my heart being ripped open and torn apart into million pieces.
But, I decided to take the necessary steps towards finding happiness again and escaping the agony and the abuse.
I healed. And this is what I’ve gone through during the healing process.
1. I Made A Conscious Decision To Heal
It happened suddenly. I knew it was now or never. I was exhausted from the abuse and I felt like if I continued living like that I’d get sick. So, I decided to step up for myself this time and leave the narcissist behind. It was the only way I could liberate myself from the pain and start the healing process that I knew it was going to be a long one.
2. I Abandoned The Toxicity
Being an empath, I always tried to understand things from other people’s point of view and take their feelings into consideration. However, my mistake was, I tried to understand the narcissist as well and even felt sorry for him. Luckily, I woke up and decided to leave all the toxicity behind to start a new life, free from pain.
3. I Had To Deal With The Crisis
I started to feel anxious because all of a sudden there were no arguments, no screaming, and no fighting in my life. The silence, however, was killing me. I needed quite some time to get used to the peace and realize that I was finally free from all the lies and manipulation. I guess I needed time because it was too much, too soon and I didn’t know how to deal with all that.
4. I Let Myself Be Angry And Cry
I didn’t bottle up my feelings because I knew that would backfire on me later. Instead, I chose to not pretend as nothing happened and embrace the pain. I let myself feel all kinds of feelings that were coming up. I was angry. I was devastated. I was sad. I was broken. But I knew that those feelings are temporary, and they will pass as soon as I let them all go.
5. I Forgave Myself And Accepted The Reality
I forgave myself because I realized it wasn’t my fault. Deep down I knew he was manipulating me and sucking the life out of me. I couldn’t lie to myself any longer. I accepted the harsh reality and chose to escape from it. I am a person who wants to make others happy, and that relationship left me with nothing but tears and suffering.
6. I Confessed To Myself That I Knew It All Along
I took responsibility for my choices and actions and admitted to myself that I knew with who I was dealing all along. Yes, I knew it all, but it was easier for me to believe that he would change, and we could fix the relationship. I was a fool, I admit, but I finally confessed to myself all this and chose to move on.
7. I Respected The ‘No Contact’ Rule
My narcissist tried to come back. They always do. They will do and say whatever you want to hear to bring you back, so they can abuse you once again. But, I refused to give up. I followed the ‘no contact’ rule because it has proved to be the only way when dealing with narcissists. I ignored his texts and calls and I felt liberated afterward.
8. I Embraced My Life And Finally Let Go
I’ve released myself from him. I finally felt free and I was smiling again. I am loving my life again and I have my self-worth and balance back in my life. I am happy.
9. I Believe In Love Again
I reached the final step. I am completely healed from the pain and I am ready to love again. I am glad I didn’t allow the narcissist to shatter my optimism and belief in love. Now, I know better.