By being aware of the things that rob you of your confidence, you can help yourself stay on track and don’t allow anything to bring you down and make you feel insecure.
Just as kids learn how to cross the street safely, we adults also need guidance on how to protect ourselves and our self-confidence and self-esteem.
Here are the 8 most common robbers of confidence.
1. Constant Negative Thinking
Our own thoughts and beliefs can be our greatest enemies and robbers of our confidence. By thinking negatively, it is like you are trying to cycle uphill with a bike that has loose pedals – you will never have enough strength to get going and will always have a sense of sliding back.
That’s why you need to stop the yadda-yadda in your brain. If you think of yourself as useless and hopeless, this kind of negative thinking will make you feel even worse.
2. Surrounding Yourself with Negative and Toxic People
We all know someone who makes us feel drained and feel bad about ourselves just by spending time with them. So, stop feeling guilty about cutting off people that don’t serve your highest good.
If you spend time with negative or toxic people you will become negative as well which means your confidence will be at risk as well. You should hand out with happy, relaxed, and content people rather than moaning and negative people.
3. The Glazed Fake Smile
You may have developed a fake smile as a coping mechanism and strategy for dealing with difficult people, especially at work. The problem with the fake glazed smile is that it becomes a habit. In any situation where you feel uncomfortable, whether it’s going on a job interview or complaining about service in a store, you’ll get so used to the fake smile that you may not realize that it’s not real.
However, when the difficult people you are dealing with are stepping over your boundaries and are maybe even bullies – this fake smile will have a detrimental effect. If we smile at bullies and are nice to them, we are rewarding their behavior, and the abuse will continue which will erode our self-confidence.
4. Over-Analyzing the Past
Overanalyzing the past can stop you from living in the moment and transforming your life. Let’s say your critical father has been at the root of your lack of confidence. If you revisit your past every day, you will convince your mind that you are doomed.
It is likely that you have lots of messages in your head that you have absorbed in the past and you need to shut them down if you want to be happy and confident. Try doing activities that make you feel good, like dancing, swimming, reading, exercising… whatever makes your soul happy.
5. Comparing and Despairing
With social media playing such an important part in our lives, there is even more temptation to compare with other people while looking at their pictures.
This is dangerous because it feeds the negative thinking in our head (why am I single, why don’t I have a better job, why I can’t get my life together?). If you are feeling insecure and inadequate, comparing yourself with others can make you feel worse. The solution? Try to avoid spending so much time on social media.
6. Getting Stuck in The Modern City Life
“We get deadened in cities. We look at pavements and floors. We are not fully alert and present. We close ourselves and go into our bubble.” –Patsy Rodenburg, OBE, voice and leadership coach.
Going into your bubble might be fine for a while, but you can’t endure it. If you are constantly staring at your phone you are not only losing your ability to connect with anything that is around you, but you are also losing the ability to connect with yourself.
7. Staying Stuck
Holding back in life and staying stuck in the safety of what feels familiar in terms of friends, jobs, homes, and relationships, keeps us stuck in our minds too.
The problem with being stuck is that it is like being in a long, dark tunnel – you cannot see a way out. So, a change from your routine will help remember who you are and what you want in life and become more confident.
8. Living an Easy Life
If you feel that you lack confidence because you’ve lived a hard life, this may make you feel better. Namely, a fantastic carefree childhood without any challenges can actually have the reverse effect on confidence.
Just look at teenagers now coming out of their parental home, they are all lost. The more spoilt they are with easy access to everything luxurious, the less confident they are in themselves and their abilities when it comes to dealing with real-life problems.
They have high expectations without having gained enough competence to go out and maintain the luxurious lifestyle for themselves. So, they sit home and do nothing.