Life is what you make of it, and more importantly, it’s what you choose to see in it. More than just a factual flow of events, life is, first and foremost, a perception, which means your choice in how you will perceive these events will define what life really is for you.
If you look at it this way, it means that changing your mindset and view on things will ultimately change your life and your overall happiness that is meant to come with it. While it’s a fact that things will happen and we don’t always have to see them as positive, this doesn’t mean that these things make life inherently ‘good’ or ‘bad.’
All the pieces make life beautiful, and these 8 mind-hacks will help you to understand that.
1. Pain is the result of fighting against the flow
Life is an unstoppable flow and while we have control over what part of the river we can float in, we don’t have control over the current. You need to see the events as those you can control and those that you can’t and accept your responsibility only in those that you can control.
Fighting to resist the flow of an event you can’t control means fighting an unstoppable current – and this brings pain. Instead, accept the things you can’t control and do everything about the things that are in your power.
2. Look for the lesson in your pain
While the main lesson of pain is that you need to let go for the pain to go away, these events that we perceive as ‘bad’ bear a strong lesson in them. Just to make things clear, bitterness and resentment are not the outcomes of a learned lesson, but of the opposition to the natural flow of things.
This said, every pain has a message in it, and looking closely and understanding why there’s no need to go against this message (but instead open your mind) will liberate you.
3. Expect most from yourself, accept everything else
When it comes to expectations, the best part of ruined friendships is usually a result of expectations. We often like to turn outward and impose our perception on others, but the reality is that we have not faced our perception in a healthy way and we have taken it for granted.
In truth, the only expectations you can set are those about you. Grow and become better than yesterday with every new day, give selflessly without the fear of ‘being hurt,’ and don’t expect that people should behave according to how you want them to behave.
4. Accept the negative as much as you accept the positive in people
Every person has their own positive and negative side. And while we always enjoy the positive side, we also tend to reject the negative part of that person, wishing that they would change.
However, you should love the people in your life for who they are – and this means that you need to learn to accept their negative side and either tolerate them until they grow out of it or help them face it.
Best friends know that they’re together because of the positive side they admire in each other while accepting the negative side as a natural part of them.
5. You don’t owe your personality to anybody
Your personality is who you are and letting go of some parts of it should only happen naturally, as your consciousness evolves. However, many people try to be someone else for the sake of feeling accepted.
The reality is that there will always be people who will accept you for who you are and there will always be those who won’t. So, why focus on those who won’t? And in the end, if you don’t accept yourself for who you are, who will?
6. History repeats itself until we’ve learned its lessons
If pain comes from the opposition to the flow, the painful experience that remains in the past can repeat itself if the lesson is not learned. In life, we are given challenges in order to grow, and if you decide to skip that challenge, it will return later when you feel ready to accept it.
Deciding to skip an exam doesn’t mean that you don’t need to do it next session, right?
7. Everything we have is ’now’
We live in an endless series of ‘nows,’ and being aware of the ‘now’ is the most important thing. Usually, the things we regret from the past are ‘nows’ that we didn’t focus on. And instead of dwelling in the past and ruminating over those experiences, focus on the now, so you won’t have to make new regrets.
Practicing mindfulness is a great thing to do for this purpose. Stay focused on the current moment and don’t expend your energy on things you don’t have control of.
8. Never question the good in you
This is my moral guide: I never ask why someone deserves my good nature. And it’s because I know that I deserve being good the most. Turning into a bitter person who thinks that everybody around them is undeserving is like drinking poison.
Regardless of what people turn out to be, I know that their choice has nothing to do with my choice to be a good person. I choose to be a good person not because they ‘deserve it’ but because I deserve it.
Loving yourself means not letting anyone’s behavior affect yours in a negative way.