I was in hell, but I survived. It took me a lot of time to realize that not every relationship deserves saving. It required some time for me to understand that I cannot expect people to love me the same way I love them. But somehow, I did it. I removed my blindfold and I saw my relationship for what it really was. A f*cking nightmare.
Looking back at my life from this point of view, I honestly cannot believe how naïve and weak I was back then. I cannot say that I am fully recovered. I still dream of everything. My mind still reminds me of those hurtful memories. But even though I have a long way to go before I start feeling like myself again, I don’t regret anything.
It hurt like hell, but it was the best lesson of my entire life.
This is what I learned after leaving my toxic and abusive relationship.
1. Love will never be enough in some relationships, no matter how much you believe that it is the most important thing in the world.
2. Words don’t mean anything if they aren’t supported by real actions. Just because someone convinces you that they want to spend the rest of their life with you, doesn’t mean that they will do it.
3. Falling in love should not be followed by losing your identity and sacrificing your values for the one you love.
4. When a love feels unrequited and a relationship feels one-sided, that is a big warning sign that is supposed to make you aware that your partner is not right for you.
5. If you don’t get support from your close friends and family about your partner, you might want to re-evaluate your choices and really think about whether this person is the one for you. Remember, you are in madly in love. That probably means that you can’t see what they see.
6. Trust your gut and listen to everything that your inner voice whispers to you. If your body is reacting in a bad way when you are around this person, there’s probably a good reason for it.
7. Don’t give yourself away to someone who does not care about the value of family.
8. You cannot allow yourself to fall in love with the idea of someone. Just like you cannot hope to make someone a better person if they don’t want to change. Simple as that.
9. Always notice how people change after ending a relationship. A breakup or a fight tells a lot about their real personality. If your partner transforms into a completely different, vengeful and arrogant person after leaving them, just know that you were with that same person all along. Everything you thought they were was just a part of their act.
10. Don’t let your heart be fooled that easily. Be realistic and question your relationship every once in a while. Is this what I really want? Are they making me happy? Am I willing to put up with their insufferable behaviors for the rest of my life?
11. If a person can get easily mad and change into a completely different human being when you piss them off, you should know that you are dealing with someone who has a split personality.
12. Sex is important, but it cannot fix everything. Don’t let the passion under your sheets convince you that your relationship is perfect.
13. Opposites may attract at the beginning, but they are not a good match in the long run.
14. You shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is going to be fine when it clearly isn’t. If something tells you to run and save your soul, you should probably listen and take care of yourself before it’s too late.
15. No one, I repeat NO ONE has the right to make you give up on who you are for them. No one has the right to control your life. And no one has the right to decide what’s good or bad for you.
16. Ending a toxic relationship will be hard for you. There will be moments when your heart will beg you to try once again and get back to your lover. Don’t you dare listen to it.
17. If you catch yourself constantly defending them and justifying their actions in front of your friends, it’s crystal clear that this person is not for you.
18. If you notice a toxic trait about them from the start and you feel that you could never accept it, don’t think that you will be able to change this person. If they don’t see the same thing that you do, they will never change. The only thing you can do is RUN.
19. Breaking up with a toxic individual will be the best decision of your life.
20. You will need time to heal your wounds and find yourself after this experience, but eventually, you will do it. You will rise up from the ashes, much stronger and much wiser. From that moment on you will stop settling for average and search for the things that you truly deserve.