Parenthood is an inevitable stage we all experience at a certain point in our life. We find a special someone with whom we can imagine our future and the rest is yet to be unraveled.
However, not all individuals are designed that way to be capable of nurturing a new life. It takes a lot of patience, compassion, tolerance and most of all an infinite amount of unconditional, pure love in order to raise a healthy and kind-hearted young individual. For the child it all starts with the mother. The real issue is what if you have to be raised by a toxic mother. (1)
Unfortunately, while parenting is a skill that should be carefully learned way before the child even arrives in this life, there are individuals that fail this essential lesson over and over again.
Individuals who go through life not caring for their children the way they’re supposed to, people who neglect their youngsters or in the worst-case scenario they abuse them.
And considering that children as “tabula rasa” (blank slate) are more likely to absorb anything around them, these toxic behaviors usually mark them for life.
These are 20 signs you were raised by a toxic mother:
1. Your mother refuse to respect you and your boundaries, no matter how clear and upfront you were about your decision.
2. Your mother miraculously high standards about your accomplishments and your overall behavior.
Whenever the certain expectation isn’t reached, you become a target for criticism and emotional abuse.
3. Your mother has no problem making merciless jokes on your account.
Whether it’s your weight, your appearance, or your relationship status – you’ll never be good enough.
4. Her feeling and thoughts are much more important than your own.
Why? Because they’re grown-ups and she is your mother. Pretty cruel, isn’t it?
5. Whenever you “upset” them, their behavior turns into passive aggressive and you know that the silent treatment is the next thing that follows.
6. Instead of providing you an unconditional support of any kind, the first one to discourage you from achieving your goals.
7. You feel like your feelings are trapped and you can’t show any affection in front of them.
Because crying and acting overemotional, is a serious weakness and huge disability, according to them.
8. You are pressured into something you don’t feel like doing.
You are constantly compared to other children. “Do you see the way he behaves?”; “You should be more like them.”; “What have I done to deserve you?”; “You are clearly useless.”
9. Your mother make you feel guilty and require an explanation for things you haven’t done, with an excuse that they’re your parents and you should respect them by all means.
10. When you accomplish something big you’ve yearned for, you hesitate to tell because you’re afraid she will take things out of context.
11. They demand praise and utmost attention from you.
One of the most horrifying statements is “As long as you’re under my roof, you’ll do exactly what I say!”
12. Your mother was several occasions when she came home drunk and you felt afraid that they might seriously hurt you or some of your siblings.
13. You are pressured to participate in activities that are interesting , and not to those you are passionate about.
14. When you think of her, you feel no love, just a twisted form of respect based on fear and nothing more. Your mother raised you to act submissively and fearful towards them. (2)
15. The result of years and years of intimidation and emotional abuse produced a young individual who struggles with authority figures.
16. Your mother blame you for everything they’ve supposedly given up for you. You sometimes wonder if they would be happier if you were never born at all.
17. Whenever they get mad, it’s all because of you.
Your inappropriate behavior and your “loudmouth” and you showing attitude in order to protect yourself. Everything that triggers the hell inside them is your fault.
18. She use money and guilt in order to manipulate you.
19. Your self-confidence is wrecked.
You rarely try new things and take risks because of the sheer embarrassment of how it will look to others if you don’t succeed.
20. Your mother provided you with the “tough love” more than real tenderness and security.
If you recognized someone in this article, please don’t hesitate to call them and lend them a helping hand. Being there and listening to them when they need it, can be a huge impact on a person’s life.
And if you, yourself have been a child of a toxic mother, you still have an opportunity for something new. You can still save yourself and escape the claws of toxicity.
Be brave and never give up!