Words are powerful. They can heal you, inspire you, and make you feel loved. But they can also cut like a knife. They can break a person’s heart and crush their world in a matter of seconds.
Here are 4 words that can cause great damage to the relationship you have with others.
1. BUT
When you say ‘but’ you automatically negate everything that the other person has said before. For example, “I really appreciate you cleaning the house, BUT…”. This word invalidates everything you said before. Plus, after it, it is usually a negative comment and so, it turns a positive sentence into a negative one. This word doesn’t build any trust or intimacy. It is a word that you should avoid if you want to have healthy relationships with others.
2. YOU
This word is extremely accusatory. It’s equal to pointing fingers at someone. Moreover, if the other person is already feeling defensive, vulnerable, and emotional, anything you say after this word will hurt their feelings.
3. NEVER
‘Never’ is a word that implies finality and hopelessness of achieving a compromise. When you say ‘never’ to someone, it’s like you are saying to them that they are unworthy of something and there is no hope for improving the situation. It’s an all-or-nothing phrase with an emphasis on the ‘nothing’ that puts aside any form of compromise, discussion, listening, and goodwill.
4. ALWAYS
This is a similar word to ‘never’ in the all-or-nothing sense. ‘Always’ implies that the person you are talking to (considering you are talking to them in a negative and criticizing sense) is always wrong, and you are right (“You are always doing that. You are always acting so childish!).
Finally, there are words and phrases that are dedicated to creating more trust and intimacy. For instance, “I notice that when I [blank], you react by [blank]. When you do [blank], I feel [blank]. It would mean a lot to me if you would [blank] because when you do, I feel [blank].”
And: “I want our partnership to feel good to both of us. How can we approach things in a way that makes us both feel heard, appreciated, accepted, and loved?”
Learning new ways of communication is not an easy task, but it is vital for your relationship.
I am currently writing my first book titled “Inside The Narcissist’s Psyche: His Ability To Make Victims Stay With Him Even Though The Pain They’re Feeling Is Unbearable.” If you are interested to take a glimpse at it, follow this link and tell us whether you like the subject so that we can send you a free chapter after we publish it.
