Home Love & Relationships Why Being Nice Won’t Get You The Relationship You Want

Why Being Nice Won’t Get You The Relationship You Want


If you think that being nice will get you the romantic relationship you want – you are wrong. It is thought that kindness is one of the pillars of a relationship. However, being nice and kind would not get you a romantic partner. And if they do, it will be a relationship that has a short shelf life.

This is because ‘being nice’ is what you are when you are afraid to be who you really are.  

‘Nice’ is socially accepted set of behaviors that can be an essential tool in almost any social situations and gatherings to avoid awkward moments and hurting someone’s feelings. And ‘being nice’ works in about 90% of your life, while meeting someone new, hanging out with friends, in the office, going to the market or to the bank, and so on.

‘Nice’ is the lubricant that is preventing us from engaging in weird, complex, and argumentative situations. It stops us from being at each other’s throats.

But it also stops us from being our authentic and raw selves. It is a quick and easy way to hide the not so nice parts of us. The ugly parts of our personality which we don’t want to reveal because we are afraid that others will judge us.

‘Nice’ is denying our shadow, our dark side. It’s denying other people, especially our romantic partners. Denying others the opportunity to love us for who we really are.

It’s us, acting like we don’t feel scared, lost, lonely, or inadequate. It’s us, denying that we are complex and difficult creatures who face many struggles and who only want to be loved and accepted.

We are all fallible. We are all hurting in some way or other. We all have parts of ourselves that we hate. And ‘nice’ is only a tool that we use to deny our emotions. It’s us saying “I am not angry, I am nice.”

But the truth is – we are not. We are much more than what we feel and what we choose to reveal. And there are many people out there who want to know the real you, with flaws and everything.

The question is, “Are you willing to be raw, real, and vulnerable around your partner?”

Because everything else is just a waste of your time. Trust me, I’ve been there. I dated nice guys and every time I felt like I was dating an extremely kind robot. And when they eventually showed me their true nature, it was with bitterness and hatred of their real self. They were holding back in an attempt to please me and then blamed me for exposing their hurt.

Mature, evolved and powerful women want a man who will embody the divine masculine energy. A raw, loyal, compassionate, intense, and brave-hearted man who can stand by his woman through thick and thin without pretending to be someone he is not. Someone who is so much more than just ‘nice.’

Image: Damail Nobre

Mary Wright


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