Death is a natural and inseparable part of life, yet we can never prepare for it. Oftentimes, the painful, heartbreaking, unbearable feeling of the connection you have lost permanently comes when you expect it the least.
It comes before you get a chance to say your final goodbye. It comes before you can tell someone: “I love you dearly and thank you for everything you’ve done for me” since you always believed that you’d have plenty of chances to do that.
Undoubtedly, losing a loved one is a devastating experience that scars you for life. And it’s even more painful and traumatic when the loved one happens to be your mother.
It doesn’t matter how old you are when your mother dies and how closely you were connected with her because the pain of losing her is always intense and agonizing.
When you lose your mother, you lose your best friend. You lose your greatest help and support in life, your confidante, your partner in crime, your pillar of strength.
When you lose your mother, you lose a part of yourself. Her absence leaves a hole in your heart. It creates an aching void in your life – a void that no one can fill.
When you lose your mother, you realize that you’ve lost someone who was always by your side. Someone who was never too tired to talk to you, listen to your problems, and give you sympathy, help, and encouragement. Someone who was never too busy to hold your hand, kiss you on the forehead, and tell you that everything is going to be all right. Someone who was never too busy to give you a piece of advice and offer you a shoulder to cry on.
When you lose your mom, you realize that you’ve lost someone who loved you genuinely, deeply, wholeheartedly, and unconditionally. Someone who truly cared about you. Someone to whom you were the greatest priority in life. Someone to whom selfishness was just an abstract term. Someone to whom you were everything.
Besides feeling enormous pain when losing your mother, you also start having many regrets. You begin regretting ignoring her calls when you were at work or when you were with your friends because you thought that your work or friends mattered more than a three-minute conversation with her.
You begin regretting not following her advice, thinking that she didn’t know anything about how this ‘modern’ world functioned.
You start regretting all those times you shouted at her when she was trying to find out what was bothering you.
You begin regretting not telling her, “Thank you” every time she stayed up all night long listening to your love problems or looking after you when you were sick.
You begin regretting all the times you weren’t there for her when she needed your help or just someone to talk to.
You start regretting not spending more time with her.
You begin regretting not apologizing to her every time you made a mistake or hurt her feelings. You begin regretting not telling her: “Please, forgive me, Mom, I love you” more often.
When you lose your mother, you finally get to realize what true, pure, selfless, unconditional, eternal love is. You realize what it feels like to have a genuine, deep, unbreakable bond with someone. You realize what it feels like to lose someone who has meant the world to you.
You realize what it feels like to lose a best friend.