First dates are usually all about making the best impression. And of course, there are a variety of interesting and engaging topics to make the date look more exciting. But, instead of worrying about what you should and shouldn’t say, as well as repeating endless scenarios in your head about how the whole interaction is going to look like, maybe it’s time to put your faith in science.
Apparently, there is a scientific research in the field of Social Psychology called “The science of love”. This research was carried out by Arthur Aron, now a visiting scholar at UC Berkley and later on by his wife Elaine Aron.
In the summer of 1967, Aron fell deeply in love with his fellow student Elaine. He wanted to know what really makes people feel that instant attraction towards each other and fall in love with each other that easily.
He tried to find any research on the topic, but there was nothing out there. So, he decided that this is his time to shine, and carry out an in-depth research on the topic.
The conventional way of becoming close to someone, and getting to know them better is by having an intelligent conversation. And, having an intelligent conversation means asking the right kind of questions. In that way, the walls between two strangers become more and more rocky and unstable. Aron classified these questions into three different scenarios.
The first scenario depicts an introduction and it’s designed to attract the attention of your date.
1. How do you imagine your “perfect” day?
2. What is the thing that makes you feel most grateful in your life?
3. If you could change something in the way you were raised, what would it be?
4. Do you want to become famous? In what way?
5. Are you nervous before making a telephone call? Do you rehearse what are you going to say?
6. If you have the choice of inviting as your dinner guest, literally anyone, who would that be?
7. Do you have the habit of singing to yourself or anyone else for that matter?
8. If you had the choice of living really long and retaining your 30 years old mind or body, what would you choose?
9. Do you have a secret guess of how are you going to die?
10. Name three things that you and your date have in common.
11. Tell your life story to your date in just four minutes.
12. If you were granted the opportunity to gain any quality or ability, what would that be?
At first, these questions may seem as rather silly or formal, but if you use them in the right context you can initially start to gain their trust. They will start to open up to you more, and you will have the opportunity to find out if you two are actually compatible.
The second scenario starts to get a little more personal, giving subtle hints that you are indeed interested in them. And they will love the attention that they’re receiving.
1. Do you dream to do something exciting in your life? Why haven’t you done it yet?
2. What is the greatest accomplishment in your life?
3. How will you describe your family? Do you carry happy childhood memories?
4. How will you describe the relationship you had with your mother?
5. Do love and affection play a big role in your life?
6. When you think about “friendship”, what does it mean to you?
7. What characteristics are valuable to you in a person that you consider to be your friend?
8. Do you have a memory in your life, that you cherish the most?
9. Do you have a memory that was absolutely terrifying and you want to forget it ever happened?
10. If you had the opportunity to know your future, what would you like to know? For example, career, relationships, family etc.
11. Would you like to change something in your life? What would that be?
12. Name five positive characteristics of your date.
The third scenario is more focused on both of you, preferably as a future couple. So, you will have to use sentences that start with “we” or use the phrase “both of us”. Obviously, it’s a matter of personal choice and you can completely modify or reshape them.
1.Start your sentence with: “I really wish if I had someone with whom I can ______________.”
2. Tell your date what you like about them. For example, their sense of humor, characteristic smile etc.
3. Try to share some slightly embarrassing moment of your life. In this way, they will think that you are a really cool and fun person to be around.
4. Try to make some “we” statements: “We are the only people here that _______________.”
5. Tell your date something important about you. They will feel special because they know something about you, that most people don’t.
6. You can give them an unexpected compliment, like: “You see, this is what I like about you, you are very ______________. ”
7. Tell your date what was the last thing that made you very emotional. They will probably sympathize with you. After this, they will connect with you easier.
8. Ask about their sense of humor, and what is (according to them), rude to joke about.
9. What is the thing that they regret the most, not telling anyone about it?
10. Is there an object or personal belonging that they hold dear?
11. Who is the most significant person in their life?
12. Ask for their advice on a personal problem you are struggling with. They will know that they start to become an important person in your life if they give their contribution or opinion on a personal matter of yours.
So, this is it. Three different dating scenarios that will smite them as fast and easy as possible. Be careful, though. Things might start to progress really fast after a successful date like this.