This world is becoming more brutal and bitter by the day. When you think about it, our whole existence is pretty much based on the Predator vs. Prey game. It is up to us which side we’ll dare to choose.
So, by now, I’m pretty sure most of us have already fallen for a narcissist. Whether it was a love affair or a friendship, I think we’re all familiar with the strangely attractive nature the narcissist possesses.
They cultivate an alluring charisma, they care for physical appearance and have a sense of entitlement, more powerful than anything. All the necessary ingredients for creating the ultimate, invincible player.
These individuals are convinced that they have the bull by its horns. They believe they have the supreme power to make everyone kneel before them.
However, even with their irresistible charm, they certainly have no power over securely attached, confident women, mostly because these women know the difference between providing strength in a relationship and taking total control of everything.
They’ve been raised in a warm and respectful environment where people accept and respect each other’s rights and freedom. These women trust their own judgment, but most of all, they are not afraid to speak up. They know what constitutes a healthy relationship, and they’ll never settle until they create one for themselves.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about insecurely attached women, abandoned or unloved daughters whose emotional needs weren’t met as children.
They lack the sense of safety and love provided by our parents, and as a result, they lack the basic foundation and awareness that helps them perceive the difference between a nice, warm-hearted man, and a person who’s only there to satisfy their needs.
They are considered the easiest prey a narcissist can have.
There are 3 commonly known kinds of insecure attachment – anxious/preoccupied, fearful avoidant, and dismissive avoidant. The anxious daughter is an extremely needy person who is terrified of being betrayed or disappointed. An emotional rollercoaster, constantly searching for a reassurance if her partner really loves her.
On the other hand, the fearful/avoidant kind has a low opinion of herself and high opinion of others. She is pushing people off even though she desperately needs and craves togetherness.
The thing that these two different kinds have in common is that they both allow the narcissist to satisfy their needs and goals. These kinds of submissive and passive behaviors give the narcissist the opportunity and chance they need. So, here are some of the most common reasons why they’re likely to focus on the more insecure types of people:
1. Your neediness is making them feel more powerful and act even more mercilessly. The fact that you are desperate for attention and trying to fill up the hole in your heart that was caused by many childhood traumas is the only sign they need to start their game.
2. Your anger gives them the perfect opportunity to take advantage of you. Any jealous or angry feeling that is triggered in you by their manipulative nature, is the best way for them to put the blame on you. They’ll respond with a simple “it’s your problem” and threaten you. That increases their control over you, and eventually, make them indestructible.
3. Manipulation and control are things you grew up with. The sad part is that when a person is used to manipulative tricks from a very young age, they unconsciously start to perceive that as a normal way of life. And that kind of thinking helps the narcissist win the game.
4. You don’t respond to a verbal abuse – That helps their power grow even stronger. Many unloved children have experienced put-downs, and verbal aggression through their childhood and they’ve accepted these behaviors as normal. Some of them decided to remain quiet, out of fear.
So, when you’re unable to recognize a person’s toxicity, or you feel afraid to stand your ground, you make their power grow instantly. In other words, you give the narcissist YOUR loaded gun. Remember that.
5. You mistake their wicked games for passion. Narcissists enjoy seducing and playing the games of “hard to get”. But, oftentimes inexperienced and insecure women mistake their harmful games for actual passion. Little do they know, that’s the ultimate trap narcissists use to lure in their victims.
Image: Alessio Albi