Have you ever been in an on-off relationship with someone with whom you knew in your heart that you didn’t belong, but you kept going back to them in a futile attempt that things will change?
I think we have all done it at some point in our lives. We have given another chance to the relationship that once failed. We have gotten back together with the person who broke our heart. We have given them another chance. Another chance to make it work or to break our hearts again.
Why? Why do we do this? Why do we keep getting back together with a person with whom we are not compatible? Why do we put ourselves in a position of potential hurt? Is it because of love or something else entirely?
It may be because you are still hoping that things will change for the better.
This is one of the main reasons why some people keep getting back with their ex-partners. They are hoping that their ex has changed and that their relationship will be different the second, third, or the fourth time around.
However, you fail to realize that people rarely change. They can only change if they are aware of their behavior and they make a conscious decision to change. You cannot expect that time would change them.
You should only get back together if you decide that you accept them as they are, and you don’t expect them to change.
Or because you are stuck in a push-and-pull system.
When you are in a co-dependent relationship, when one of the partners is acting needy and controlling all the time and pulls for sex, attention, or approval – the other one can’t resist that tension and will walk away.
However, once they are apart they both will start missing each other and while being in this vulnerable place they decide to get back together. The outcome of their reunion? The same as it was before.
Often, it is because you are afraid of ending up alone and feeling lonely.
The fear of being alone is the basis of any dysfunctional relationship. When people are feeling lonely and they start dating again, they might start feeling like they cannot connect to anyone else the way they were connected to their ex.
So, they decide to give their failed relationship another chance. Even if the relationship is not good and they are feeling miserable, still, they choose it over feelings of loneliness and being alone.
Finally, it can be because we are not investing in ourselves and our inner work.
Maybe the connection that they have with each other is enormous, but if they are not willing to work on themselves and solve the problems – the relationship is doomed to fail.
The relationship can only succeed only when both partners decide to do the inner work they need to do. Until the change happens within them, they would only waste their time in trying to make it work.
So, we should never stop working on ourselves. Even if we don’t succeed to fix our previous relationship, we can only be better prepared for our next one.