My anxiety makes me take everything emotionally and personally.
If a friend of mine doesn’t respond to my call or they take too long to text me back, I immediately think that they are mad at me and they don’t want to talk to me. Maybe I am annoying them. Maybe they don’t like me to be their friend, and that’s why they are purposefully ignoring me.
So, I fear to reach out first because I think they would reject me. The mere thought that someone can see my text and ignore it gives me nausea. I don’t want to feel invisible. I want to feel accepted, and my anxiety makes me doubtful and afraid of anything.
Even when I do receive a text after some time from them, I will still obsess and analyze every word. And if the text is too short or abrupt, I’ll start worrying once again that I bore them, and they only replied out of courtesy. And again, I will start banging my head against a wall thinking that I shouldn’t have called or texted them in the first place.
Regardless of how long I’ve been friends with them, I still need constant reassurance that they are there for me and they love me, or else I’ll be jumping to conclusions and imagining the worst-case scenario. I’ll be probably thinking that I have wronged them in some way and that’s why they don’t want to be friends with me anymore.
My anxiety makes me overanalyze everything.
And it doesn’t matter whether they can’t hang out with me because they are tired from work – I don’t believe them. In my mind, they are giving me excuses because they don’t like my company.
My anxiety makes me feel as though everyone is against me.
I always assume the worst. And not that I am defending myself, but I really believe that my pessimism is a result of the many hardships that I’ve been through. I still carry the scars from past pains with me. And sometimes they still hurt.
Also, social situations make me anxious because I’ve embarrassed myself many times before. I am either too loud or too quiet. I can’t seem to find a middle ground and behave like a “normal” person. I feel like I don’t fit.
That’s why it is so difficult for me to hold a conversation with friends or family members, let alone with strangers. I immediately think they don’t like me and the second I leave they’ll start laughing at me and talking behind my back.
My anxiety gives me so much trouble when it comes to dating.
Because of my anxiety, I don’t know how to flirt and be spontaneous. Even when someone makes it clear to me that they like me, I still won’t believe them fully. I’ll still have my guard up because I am convinced that it won’t last long. That they will leave me as soon as they get to know the real me.
My anxiety makes me doubt everything and everyone, including myself.
When someone gives me a compliment or says they love me, I don’t know how to react. I think that they are just being nice and that they don’t mean what they say.
Because of my anxiety, I still struggle with realizing my worth because the only thing I see is a million imperfections.
Image: Alfred Johansson
