“Falling out of love is one of those awful parts of life that we don’t want to think about until we sense that it’s happening to us. At first, we think we’re imagining things, it’s rare we stop and ask ourselves, “does he love me?” But pretty soon it becomes clear that something is really, really wrong.” – Elizabeth Stone
It is one of the greatest things in the world to fall in love with someone who loves us back. But, what happens when that special one stops loving us? You may ask yourself, is that even possible? How can someone who swore they love you may suddenly grow distant from you?
But, life can be unpredictable sometimes and even the best relationships can fall apart. So, letting go of someone that we thought we will spend our whole life with is one of the most difficult things in the world. It can feel like the world stopped spinning suddenly and we are left alone in agony.
However, we know deep inside that it is possible to let go of someone and release ourselves from the immense pain.
Here are 5 things that you should follow if you want to release yourself from the emotional attachment to someone who doesn’t love you anymore and move forward with your life.
1. Come to terms with the reason why you broke up
Ask yourself, what was the crucial thing in your relationship that was not working? What was the last straw that broke the camel’s back? Don’t overanalyze or focus on little details, but rather try to find and understand the main, essential reason that broke your relationship.
The truth is, sometimes, two people no matter how good they both are, they just don’t function well together in a relationship. And it’s no one’s fault. There is no good or bad person there. And even if the break up still hurts, the first step towards healing yourself is by understanding and accepting the reason behind it.
If you are still on speaking terms with your ex, you can ask them to give you insight and closure. If not, however, you can always talk it out with your best friend. You should also keep in mind that sometimes you can’t even understand the reason because people are complicated and so are their emotions. However, even if you can’t understand the reason, you need to come to terms with the fact that it was not working out.
2. Take your time to heal
As the saying goes, “time heals all wounds.” Give yourself as much time as you need to get over your heartbreak and heal. You should neither try nor expect to feel better right away because if you push yourself into feeling happy while bottling up your true feelings, it can be a lot more difficult for you to heal. Repressing your emotions is the worst thing that you can do.
As the entrepreneur Paul Hudson puts it beautifully: “Sometimes time shows us that the feelings we felt were only to be felt in passing — as we passed on by and on to the next individual we love. That’s why you have to give time a chance. Even if it doesn’t do the trick of healing all your wounds, it will most certainly numb the pain. It will turn those vivid memories into blurry renditions.”
3. Understand why you need to let them go
Sometimes a relationship doesn’t end completely. There are situations where the passion between partner can be rekindled and the relationship can be put back together. However, when you are parting from someone who stopped loving you, the best thing you can do is to understand that your relationship will most likely not be fixed, and even if you manage to fix it, would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you?
You need to understand that sometimes a relationship ends only to move us forward to the next best relationship with someone we are meant to be with forever. Coming to terms with the fact that our partner doesn’t love you anymore is one of the most important steps towards healing your broken heart. Once you understand that, you won’t do something you will regret, and you won’t feel drawn to them trying to fix a relationship that has reached its expiration date.
4. Start meeting new people
This does not mean that you should start using dating apps or going out in bars and meeting people in a desperate need to get over your ex. Hook-up would not do you any good. In fact, you may feel more sad and depressed because once you see how many drunk people are there in bars or psychos on Tinder, you will start missing your ex even more.
On the other hand, meeting new people without expecting anything can help you recover. By surrounding yourself with friends and activities and enjoying your life you will get the lost feeling of happiness and stability back in your life. Also, be careful to not fall into the trap of finding a rebound. A rebound will never work if you are not emotionally ready yet.
5. Open yourself to finding love again
Saying goodbye to someone that we love with our whole heart can really feel like the end of the world. Our bewildered mind can easily deceive us into thinking that we will never find love again. This is not true, of course.
Sometimes relationships come to an end so that we can meet our true love. And when we meet the person we were meant to be all the past pain and hurt will heal itself.
So, keep yourself open to find and experience love! Life has a magic way of giving us exactly what we need and want only if we truly believe in it.
Image: Marta Bevacqua