You see them all the time – you watch them on the big screen, you are reading their books, you are cheering for them at games, you are voting for them, you take notes at their lectures, marvel at their success, laugh at their jokes, admire their confidence… Perhaps, they were the one who helped you build yourself up when you were down, gave you a hand when you were lost, made you laugh when you were feeling down, listened to you and made you feel alive.
Of course, you recognize them… they are your inspiration, your savior, your role model, your lover, your best friend, your ultimate partner in crime.
However, they can also be your most terrible nightmare. First, they build you up because they figure it’s what you need. You are suffering. You are in pain. Then, the “magic” happens – out of the blue the narcissist appears to shake up your world and make you feel better only to tear you down later.
And you let them tear you down. You allow this behavior because you were used to it. They tell you-you are immoral, untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, disgusting, a social embarrassment… They tell you all this in your face. They feel it’s their right. They behave the way they want anytime and anywhere, totally disregarding any social norms and conventions.
They lie to your face without a second thought and there’s nothing you can do about it. In fact, the lies are their truth. And you believe them. Because they don’t sound like they are lying. Because otherwise, they will have you questioning your own sanity. Of course, they feel entitled to this, because you have given them your trust, energy, you have invested your hopes and dreams in them. You derive your confidence from them.
You can go on and tell other people about them – they won’t believe you. Why? Because they still see the “wonderful” person that is the narcissist. And what they see you doing? They see you as an unstable person unable to keep their emotions in balance. To the outside world, you are the crazy one.
You are disappointed in them you say? Hah, they are the ones who tell you they should be disappointed in you. After all, you are the one who is “damaging” their reputation. You are the one that frustrates them. You make them rage and lose control. And did you know that rage makes them feel empowered and in control? Oh, yes. Lying feels great to them too.
Do you want to know a secret? They can be their own worst nightmare as well. They can and they are. Their life is nothing but an illusion. They have no idea what they do and why they do what they do. Nor do they care to find out the reason. In fact, they detest being questioned about their behavior. They are repelled by that.
Because, the thing is – they reconstruct the facts and the reality. They are acting out their illusions. Luckily for them, other people seem to value their attributes so they can live in their world of illusions forever. Why they chose you? They use co-dependent people like you to keep the magic of their illusions alive.
The narcissist knows they are different but they would never admit it. There lies the main root of their hostility. They bring you down because they envy you. They envy you because they are the ones who are different and that horrifies them.
They are terrified by the thought that other people can function perfectly well without them in their lives. That’s their worst fear. That’s why they never stop using their old tricks to lure people into their web of lies and manipulations.
The question is: Would YOU allow them?