Who remembers the famous episode of Sex and the City when Jack Berger, Carrie’s boyfriend, told the girls the “horrifying” and hard to swallow truth about guys in general, and that was that with guys there are not mixed messages. In Berger’s words, men are very simple – if they like a girl they will make sure she knows it. And if not, if the guy “forgets” to text or call then he is not just that into that girl. Simple as that.
And this goes for both men and women.
And I’ve been there. I understand the confusion. As a girl, I’ve spent a considerable amount of my life searching for signs that a guy likes me, reading horoscopes, articles, asking friends… Just to get a small ray of hope that he does like me. I literally was convincing myself that it was all in my head and that his disinterest was actually his way of showing his love for me. How stupid of me. I admit.
Because at the end of the day, the person who truly likes you will show up for you. It will be clear to you. There will be no mixed messages, no lack of interest, no wishy-washy behavior. You won’t spin your head over the situation trying to find out whether they like you or not. You’ll just know.
And the confusion usually starts when the person you are interested in was acting all loving and caring in the beginning, saying all the right words to you, but then they changed all of a sudden. They stopped being attentive. They were acting distant and cold. So, you begin making up excuses for their behavior (Maybe they are busy with work?), or even worse, you start blaming yourself and thinking that it was because of something you did. (It is not.)
Because what you call “mixed messages” is one very simple and clear message – they are not that into you. They may enjoy spending time with you and hooking up with you, but they don’t like you in a real way. They may like you, but not enough.
When a person is making you feel trapped and confused, it often means that they are unsure about their feelings about you – meaning, they like you, but not enough. In this situation, best is to let them go. Because nothing you say or do will change their mind. You can’t convince someone to be with you and love you back. They need to feel it on their own.
Then again, there are people who beat themselves up whether they did something to turn their partner off. Let’s clear that up once and for all – when the person genuinely likes you and wants to be with you and build something stable, they won’t be turned off by anything small you do or say. Rather, they will prove to you again and again that all they want to do is be with you.
On the other hand, if they were not interested in you from the beginning, even the smallest thing can annoy them and make them lose interest in you. So, there is really no reason for you to worry about this.
Of course, there are times when the individual just doesn’t want to be in a relationship. And that’s okay too. It’s their choice. And your choice should be to move along with your life instead of waiting for them to change their mind. Every person is different and wants different things. Someone doesn’t pay attention to religion or political differences, but there are people who do, and those issues can be their deal-breaker.
Again, the reasons why someone doesn’t want a relationship with you don’t matter. What matters is your reaction to their behavior. Do you try to justify someone’s rude behavior? Do you overanalyze and try to decipher their ‘mixed messages’? Are you still waiting for them to come around?
If you do, please stop and move on with your life. Learn how to let go of someone who is confusing to you and makes you anxious and in your head. Because the one who deserves you and who really loves you won’t ever have you questioning your relationship. You’ll always know where you stand with them.
And we should all wait for a partner who is sure of their feelings for us instead of losing our mind over people who don’t realize our worth.