I know I look like I’ve got it all under control… but the reality is…
I am tired. I am tired of it all. In fact, tired doesn’t even begin to describe the state that I am in. I no longer feel strong enough to fight for things. I no longer feel capable to keep moving on. I no longer feel like I have the power to lift myself up, let alone others.
There was a time when I was strong enough to get up and move on, regardless of what I was going through…
But now… I’ve become pale and worn-out.
I’ve always said to myself that if I want to make it in life, I have to find a way to be strong, no matter where life takes me, or how it treats me. The truth is, I never set out to be that kind of person, but life forced me to face experiences that changed me from my cor. And so, I had no choice than to become stronger. For the sake of my happiness and for the sake of my future.
I never needed someone to save me or solve my problems. I never needed someone to recuse me. I was perfectly capable of doing that on my own. I had thick skin and an elastic heart. That is how I survived one of the most painful periods of my life.
That is how I’ve become a strong woman who has always been there to lend a helping hand to people.
But it turned out… I haven’t been strong after all…
Because I can no longer keep doing this.
I cannot breathe. I feel a pain in my chest. I feel lost and confused. I have no idea where to look for direction. And the one thing that frightens me the most is… I have no strength to carry on.
I may look strong on the outside, but deep down I feel that my soul is tired.
Tired of trying. Tired of fighting. Tired hoping. Tired of believing. Tired of pretending.
So, this is me finally giving up…
I am giving up on the idea that I am invincible.
The truth is, I am not. I am just a human being who carries a warm, palpitating, beating heart in my chest. A human being who is desperate for someone’s loving embrace. A human being who is vulnerable just the way you are. A human being who is tired of trying to be there for everyone. A human being who is done with pretending. A human being who has emotions.
I AM EXHAUSTED and I am not afraid to admit it.
I long to be taken care of, loved purely and hugged sincerely.
I long to feel a gentle caress on my forehead. I long to be held. I long to feel safe in someone’s embrace. I long to be reassured that everything will be fine. I long to rely on someone’s shoulders for a while.
But most of all, I long to feel free to admit that I am weak.