I love you with all my heart. With my entire being. I love you the way the moon loves the earth. I love you the way the waves love the shore. I love you the way morning rain loves the grass. I love you in my own special way. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.
But, even though my love for you is growing stronger by the day… I know that I would never want to lose myself loving you. I want to share my life with you, but I don’t want to become addicted to your love. I want to open my soul to you, but I don’t want to be codependent.
I don’t want to feel like I cannot survive without you.
I know that all of this might sound a bit confusing to you, but that is how I feel.
It is heavy on my heart and I feel that I need to let it all out.
You are the love of my life. There is no doubt about it.
But…
I want to learn to be happy on my own.
I want to feel that kind of happiness and certainty that no matter what happens, I will always have myself. I don’t want to be just a part of the puzzle. I don’t want to be a half. I don’t want to depend on another human being. I want to feel complete because I have myself.
I want to run wild like the wind. I want to feel confident with myself. I want to be enough for myself. I want to depend on myself. I want to be the spark that lights up a big fire inside of me. I want to have the whole world in the palm of my hand. I want to be the person who makes me laugh. I want to be free to choose whatever I want to be without hurting anyone. I want to be able to see the beauty of this world without having someone hold my hand.
I want to learn my lessons on my own. I want to feel deeply. I want to know pain, for that is the only way I will learn to appreciate love. I want to be strong enough to endure losing someone. I don’t want my whole world to come crashing down if oneday life drives us apart. Don’t get me wrong. I want to feel everything intensely, but I want to know that as long as I have myself, I can overcome everything.
I want to be in love. But I don’t want to surrender myself to another person. I want to let you know just how much you mean to me, but I don’t want to lose my identity in the process. I don’t want to lose the “me” when we become a “we”. I don’t want to transform into a person who blindly follows their lover, without having a voice. I want my being to evolve on its own. I want to reach that state of serenity and fulfillment without having to rely on someone for it.
So, yes…
I love you more than words can say, but I will never be your other half. I am sorry, but deep down, I want to learn to be happy without anyone else. Deep down I want to be whole on my own.
