I no longer chase after you, but that doesn’t mean that I stopped longing for your love. It doesn’t mean that I stopped thinking about you and missing you. It just means that I’ve finally decided to liberate myself from the pains and shackles of my past and move forward with my life.
It means that I’ve learned how to respect and love myself.
I realized that by chasing after you, I was only wasting my energy and time.
Therefore, instead of hoping to be with you, I have decided to let go of you. Because there’s absolutely no point in wasting your time on someone who doesn’t even deserve a minute of your attention. There’s no point in prioritizing someone’s feelings, needs, and desires over your own when you’re only their second choice. There’s no point in fighting for someone who has stopped fighting for you a long time ago.
And you know that I did all of this for you. You know I always called you first. You know I was the first to tell you ‘I love you.’
You know how much my heart longed for your love. You know how much my body yearned for your tender, warm touch.
Hah, but that was never good enough for you.
For a long time, I believed that you were the right person for me. I believed that you were worth pursuing. I believed that you were worth fighting for. Therefore, I justified your false excuses and lies too many times. I forgave you whenever you canceled our dates at the last minute and reproached me for my past mistakes.
I even managed to convince myself that it was difficult for you to open up. That it was hard for you to undress your soul in front of me and show me your vulnerabilities. That it was hard for you to tell me ‘I love you.’
Hah, how foolish of me.
However, you know how they say: People grow. People change.
So, here I am – wiser, stronger, and, most importantly, changed.
And yes, I’m not ashamed to admit that I chased you for a long time. That I fought for you with every fiber of my being. That I wanted you to see me the way I saw you. That I wanted you to long for me the way I longed for you.
Yet, I’m also not ashamed to admit that the chase really exhausted me. I got tired of waiting for you to love me the way I loved you. I got tired of waiting for you to put a label on our relationship and commit to me. I got tired of fantasizing about us because, in reality, there was never us.
But, it’s hard to command your heart. You can’t tell it what to feel. You can’t tell it to stop longing for someone.
Therefore, I want you to know that just because I gave up chasing after you, it doesn’t mean that I stopped longing for your love. It doesn’t mean that I stopped checking your Facebook profile to see if you have posted a selfie with another girl. It doesn’t mean I stopped thinking about what I might say to you if I came across you again.
Anyway, it is what it is.
I’ll never chase after you again. I’ll never pursue you again. You belong to my past now.
And while it’s true that I still long for you and that my entire body burns with desire whenever my friends mention your name, I promise that I’ll do my best to forget you.
Because I can’t keep chasing someone who doesn’t reciprocate my love. I can’t keep envisioning a future with someone who couldn’t care less whether we’re together or not. I can’t keep giving myself false hope anymore.
This is not what I deserve.