Here I am once again.
A river of tears is flowing down my cheek. My mind is absent. My heart aches for your presence. My soul is floating somewhere outside of me. The only thing I feel is emptiness. Nothingness.
I have a hole inside of me.
I know that I must let go of you, and I know that distancing myself from everything that reminds me of you is for my own good, but it is too damn hard.
I miss you. I miss what we once were. I miss everything we once went through.
I know what we were. You were someone who never bothered to give a label to what we had. And I… I was a person who fell for you. A fool in love. A fool who chose to believe in you and settle for less.
I spent my mornings with you by my side. I ended my days with your warm kisses on my forehead. Each and every minute of the day was filled with your presence. You became a big part of my life. And even when I was the busiest, I still found time to come and see you, if only for an hour.
And then all of a sudden, everything that I held dear collapsed. Everything that we were faded away. The future that I looked forward to was no longer there.
I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else in my life. I invested myself both emotionally and mentally in the relationship. I gave you the key to my world. I welcomed you with an open embrace. I let my guard down for you. I revealed my deepest secrets to you. I told you all about my dreams. I showed you every scar on my soul. I shared my fears and insecurities with you.
I gave you all… and you broke me. You watched me as I fell for you knowing that you could never love me the way I did. And instead of being brave and telling the truth, you chose to have me wrapped around your finger until you get bored of me. You chose to take advantage of me.
But this is it… I cannot do this anymore.
I cannot keep torturing myself with the memory of you.
I am letting you go, and I am moving on. I know it will be hard for me to actually do this, but I swear to you, I will give all of my efforts to erase every memory we had and find myself again.
There was a time when I was so desperate to feel your touch that I would have done anything to have you near me. But now… Now I know…
I don’t ever want to settle for ‘almost’. I’m done accepting half-assed things. I have no strength to play games with people who aren’t brave enough to open their hearts and love truly.
I deserve better. I deserve to feel love in all its splendor. I deserve to wake up next to a man who wouldn’t hesitate to tell me how he feels about me. I deserve happiness.
And I promise you, I won’t stop until I find it.