I am slowly realizing that I stopped thinking twice about people who don’t give a damn about me. I am not putting in any effort for someone who doesn’t deserve me. Period.
Before, I was doing the opposite. I was giving my time and energy to all the wrong people. I was doing everything for someone who couldn’t bother to even ask me about my day. I was there for people who when I needed them, they turned me down and walked away.
Now I know better. I will no longer waste my love on unhealthy relationships with people who don’t love me back. I will no longer hope that they will change their mind and fall in love with me after they see how wonderful I am. I am done with that. Those toxic relationships nearly killed me. Every time the person on the other end of the relationship will use my good nature and then toss me like a used mop after they get bored or find a new victim.
I am done. I will never make someone a priority in my life when it is clear that I am not a priority in theirs. The truth is, I am exhausted from always giving all of me to someone who took me for granted and leaving myself feeling empty and drained. I realize that I don’t want to live a life like that and therefore I am changing my old ways.
I will be the real me without caring whether someone likes me or not. I will not follow any dumb rule made up by someone who wanted things to be easier for them. It is not easier for me, so I am not doing it. From this moment on, I will do things my way.
I will no longer conceal my feelings because they are not something I should be ashamed of. I will express them when I feel like it. I won’t hide my soft heart under a hard and cold exterior just because someone thinks that’s the way to not get your heart broken.
Well, if I get hurt, okay. I will get over it. What I won’t get over, however, is not living my life the way my heart tells me to just because I am scared what other people will think of me.
I will cry when I am sad and smile when I am happy. I won’t pretend I am okay when I am not. I don’t give a f*ck anymore.
I stopped giving a damn about things over which I don’t have control. If someone doesn’t care about me, why should I care about them? I am cutting off anyone who doesn’t make me happy or doesn’t bring meaning into my life.
Because, the thing is, I worked hard for everything that I am and everything I have. I am working hard every day to become the best version of myself. I have goals. I have dreams. I know where I want to be. I am not a lost and naïve soul one can decide to screw over and walk away.
I realize now that I am surrounded by manipulators and emotional abusers who lack the emotional capacity to care about anyone, including themselves. They are there to hurt people and I won’t let them hurt me anymore. I will stay away from their toxicity and not let them anywhere near me. I am done with their toxic bullshit.
I am also done pretending I am okay when I am not. If someone makes me feel like shit, I won’t stay silent. I will speak up and put them in their place.
And I won’t forgive them. I am done giving second chances to people who keep on disappointing me. Some people don’t deserve second chances. Some people don’t deserve forgiveness. They deserve to stay in the past where they belong.
And I am okay with that. I finally realized I don’t give a f*ck anymore. I care about myself now and my own growth and healing.