I am ‘a nice girl’. It’s who I am.
I am someone who cares about other people’s happiness more than my own. I am someone who always puts others first. I am guilty of jeopardizing my own happiness for people who took me for granted and didn’t give a damn about me.
There are times when I wish I was stronger. There are times when I wish I am there for myself as much as I am for other people. Times when I say to myself that my life would be better if I was not as selfless as I am, and instead become more selfish when it comes to my needs and desires.
Who am I trying to fool…? I will never stop being ‘a nice girl’ regardless of all the times I got hurt by being nice to people who didn’t deserve it. I will never stop being ‘nice’ because that’s who I am. I will never make myself heartless. My soft heart is responsible for my (sometimes) naïve view of the world in thinking that all people are, in fact, good at heart. But I don’t care. I don’t want a colder heart.
I am who I am. I could never be a bitter, cold girl. I could never be someone who can cut off people from her life just like that. And I am okay with never being that girl. I know how much love I am capable to give, and I am proud of it. I know that my kindness and affection may not be returned, but I don’t mind. I will be kind and affectionate anyway.
I know that the problem is not me. It’s them. Those who abuse my love and kind-heartedness. And I refuse to change. No matter how many times I get my heart broken, I won’t become colder. I won’t shut down my emotions.
Because I am a positive person and I really believe that I will find people like me. People who see all the beautiful things in the world. People who want to give and share happiness and love as much as I do.
I don’t care what anyone says or thinks, I will never risk hiding my true nature out of fear that I am too much for other people. Those are not my people. Because, for me, I would rather have someone calling and texting me all day than someone who doesn’t reply to my texts. I will always pick someone who wants to see me every day over the person who calls me when it’s convenient for them.
I don’t care who you are, I won’t let you make me feel ashamed for my ‘nice’ nature and my vulnerability. Being vulnerable is my strength and I won’t let you take that away from me.
No matter how many times I get my heart broken, I will never stop being ‘the nice girl.’ I will never stop being me because I am grateful and proud to be the way I am.