Home Psychology I Can’t Apologize (Sorry!)

I Can’t Apologize (Sorry!)


When we look inside our own family, inside our own life, we can see that “sorry” seems to be the hardest word to say. Why is that so? Why someone can’t just say: “Hey, listen I’m sorry”? Or saying “sorry” is not such a good thing and there is something else going on below the surface?

These are very important questions, because as the observation and the analysis on human behavior continue, it seems that some other deeper psychological aspects of this whole “being sorry” situation are popping out.

While apologizing can lessen the feeling of guilt and help restore the wrongdoings and the image of the one that has done the wrong deed, it seems that “sorry” has become overly used word that messes up the self-esteem in the person that is apologizing. (1)

Here you can ask: how come? Imagine that you are in a situation when a fight between your partner and you is coming forth and you know that it’s not your fault, and the word “sorry” is on your lips to be said for you have to save the situation and instantly something happens….you become still, you don’t say a thing! Why, why this sudden change?

In a split second you have suddenly come to understanding that if you say “I’m sorry” one more time, you’ll probably save the situation and the relationship for that matter, but most importantly you will lose your Self.

This beautiful thought of enlightenment brought to your mind an important question – is your relationship worth saving at all? Why do you fight so much and make yourself a martyr every time your partner starts a fight, do you actually want to be in a relationship when you constantly have to be the culprit?

And in that moment you have realized that this time, this time it is not your fault and most of all you shouldn’t take the blame. What for? Just so you could hit the bottom of your self-esteem once more? No, enough is enough. And in such a moment, the good guys become bad, selfish, arrogant…as far as the other’s opinion counts, but in such case it doesn’t.

And now this whole new view of yourself in the world, without the need to say “sorry”, without the constant feeling of being accused of something you didn’t do, gives you sense of incredible power. Perhaps after a long time of silently bending before the undeserved shame, now you feel good, now you have the power to control the situation. (2)

If the person has a good and positive character and appreciates themselves, than all of the above stated is probably the reason why they don’t apologize.

But if someone is already a selfish, egocentric and without any self-love human being, than this kind of person will never or very rarely apologize.

They consider that the word “sorry” is below their status, but from the other side of the story, if they ever say ”sorry” that will mean that they are actually wrong and you are right, which is just unthinkable to them to admit such a thing.

However, a person can be sorry without actually saying it. But the best thing to do is not to do or say anything you’ll be sorry about later!

There are people, who take responsibilities for their words and actions and if they don’t say “sorry”, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t. It just means that probably, for some reason of their own, they have an issue with saying that particular word, but will do some good deed that will prove they are truly sorry.

Remember, there are many ways for someone to apologize, so don’t attach yourself only to this one word. Be open to all ways of apologizing as long as they are sincere.

Sometimes speaking out load “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean that the person saying this is really sorry, they can say this just for the sake of the situation, or they are used of saying it. So to these people the word “sorry” doesn’t mean a thing and eventually it won’t mean much to you either.

Because of this, you should always remember that if a person truly regrets their wrongdoings they will find a way to your heart so you can really see that they admit their fault. But if someone isn’t sincere and doesn’t care much if you are hurt or not, all the “sorries” in the world won’t change anything.

If you want the other person to know that you are sorry just say the word or show them, it will bring you peace. But if you have to apologize for something you didn’t do and it wasn’t your fault, don’t say it.

Stay strong and true to yourself, because you won’t have peace in your mind and in your soul and it won’t change the character of the other person, they’ll still do wrong to you again and again.

Therefore choose wisely to whom you apologize and what for, it might make your world better and peaceful or tear it down.

David Smith


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