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I Am Sorry I’m Overthinking Everything, I Know It Makes Me Hard To Love

The Best Thing I Can Do Is Stop Overthinking But It’s Just Not That Easy

I am sorry if my overthinking makes me unbearable or hard to love sometimes. I don’t enjoy being a drama-queen or anxious over seemingly trivial matters, but it’s those seemingly trivial matters that define my life.

Don’t stress over stupid things. You are giving it too much thought, loosen up a little. Many people think that if they tell you this, you’ll stop overthinking things.

You cannot wipe such an inextricable part of your identity like the dust you wipe off your bathroom cabinet.  

You may have glanced at me across the room by accident and I will spend hours calculating what that look meant.

Your tone of voice may be oddly different just because you are tired or you have a pounding headache, but I will spend the rest of the day thinking that you are mad at me and I will obsess about the possible reason for that.

Yes, I am emotionally unstable. Yes, I have trust issues. Yes, I may be stuck in my thoughts for hours overthinking your words and actions. But only because I’ve been hurt too many times.

Only because my spirits were crushed by the people I thought would never betray me or cheat on me. Overthinking is my shield. I’ve learned to hide my fragility by overthinking. I didn’t know any better. I am sorry.

Even the slightest change in mood or behavior throws me off balance. I have an eye for details and my emotional alarm goes off even at the slightest change or silence on your part.

You may sigh just because we’ve been waiting for a long time at the supermarket and I will immediately think you want nothing to do with me. I will immediately think that you are bored in my company and that you are trying to find a way to cut all ties with me.

I shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be like this.

No matter how many times I repeat these words, it’s just so damn hard to break the habit of overthinking.

So, try to understand me. Try to walk in my shoes at least for a day. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s not that I don’t want you beside me, it’s not that I want to push you away.

It’s just that I don’t know how to stop my overthinking and it affects me. You. Us.

But know this: I love you.

Nora Connel