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 How To Stop Ruining Your Relationship When You’re Trapped In An Overthinking Mind


Hello, I am an over-thinker. This is the first line of the conversation with my therapist a few years ago.

Yup. Guilty as charged.

My power includes taking perfectly normal situations, carefully examining their validity and dissecting them into tiny pieces until logic is nowhere to be found and the whole thing makes no sense whatsoever.

Pretty intense, huh?

Luckily, I’m not the only one suffering from this type of thinking.

So, to anyone who is reading this article. Remember. You’re never alone.

I just know that it is different for everyone. Some people are influenced by anxiety, others deal with their depressive state of mind and the dark voices inside of them. And then others, have the need to simply overanalyze every bit of their lives.

It’s truly exhausting.

And from my experience, overthinking is probably the best way to ruin your life and your relationships. Here’s why.

When you get into an overthinking mode you question everything. Every little movement, every step a person takes, every action, every inaction, every word suddenly has a deeper meaning. And you start producing your own movie inside your mind.

The mind works in mysterious ways, that’s for sure. You start with a simple “what does that mean?” and suddenly your mind takes a path of its own. You get into the over-thinking zone maze and it’s only a matter of time until your imagination bursts open and your mind starts making up scenarios of its own.

It’s a lot like when you look at something under a microscope. You only see the details. Instead of focusing on the bigger picture, and all the facts, you are focusing on the small fragments. And, somehow you expect them to provide you with a solid, logic explanation.

It’s the same with over-thinking. You mention those little things, the little parts of the story, and suddenly you’re not perceiving the fact that your boyfriend went out for a drink with his buddies and called you on his way back home, but you start questioning yourself why he didn’t call you as soon as he got in the bar.

“What was he doing?”

“What if he is cheating on me?”

It’s incredible how sometimes even our own mind has the power to turn us against ourselves.

Over-thinking leads to blame. It’s like a toxic to our brains.

So, if you are also struggling to get ahold of your life, you need to stop that vicious cycle of blame.

First of all, you need to learn to trust people. Without trust, love could never survive. This usually starts by choosing and engaging with trustworthy and honest people. So, be picky. Wait if you have to. But, don’t you ever settle for a person who makes you doubt yourself and everything around you.

Second of all, you need to pull yourself together. You need to be real. If something is meant to happen it will happen regardless of your thoughts. Also, if something is not meant to happen, you won’t be able to change that fact no matter how much you overthink.

So, try to be more accepting. Learn to let go of things.  You will never have the answers to everything. It’s just the way it’s going to be. It will be confusing, frustrating, you won’t have a clue what you’re doing, but that’s life.

At the end of the day, whenever you experience the daunting sensation of your scary thoughts overflowing your mind, breathe. Get out of that daze and try focus on what you know.

I can’t guarantee you for sure, but the one thing that always helped me pull myself together was my own words that everything is fine. My own support that I’m actually okay. My calm voice telling me that I am the only one who controls my mind.  

Remember that maybe 99% of the time that you are freaking out and over thinking you are literally creating a problem that was never there before. And 99% of the time, everything is actually fine, you’re just imagining a scary scenario that makes your blood curdle.

So, let’s stop right now. Stop the blame cycle. Breathe in. Breath out. Remind yourself of the facts. Accept the truth. Let go of those toxic thoughts.

You are fine.

Stephanie Reeds