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How To Make Amends With Your Wounded Heart And Forgive Yourself After An Abusive Relationship


Dear person who is reading this, 

I know you’ve experienced the soul-shattering pain of going through an abusive and a harmful relationship. And I know that you’re struggling to pull yourself together. You’ve somehow managed to escape the wicked claws od the abuser, but the pain doesn’t seem to go away.

You try to move on, but there’s something in front of you that won’t let you pass. There’s an imaginary steel door in front of you that does not let you escape your own judgment. You cannot seem to forgive yourself for being so naïve to justify his behavior and call it love.

You cannot seem to accept the fact that you should have faced him earlier. You regret being so blind and incapable to stand up for yourself and defend your rights. And now, you cannot find a way to calm your mind and soothe your broken heart.

You may have ended the disastrous war with the psychopath, but you’ve just declared war upon yourself. And there’s no harder battle than the one we fight against ourselves. You must know this.

If I got this right and this is exactly how you feel, I beg you to stop for a second. I know that you probably thought that this is going to be another self-pity article that will make you cry your eyes out and pass out. But you are wrong.

The only thing I wish to achieve by writing this is to help you find your strength.

Because I know you have it somewhere in you. You might not be ready to accept it yet, but I will do my best to make you realize just how worthy and incredible you are.

Listen to me, you’ve endured a relationship that almost destroyed you. You survived a man who almost crushed you like a cockroach. A person who manipulated you, took you for granted, violated you and neglected you.

You saved your own life. Do you understand how important that is?

I know there are a million things that you would have done differently if you could go back in time, but that is over. You already did everything you could. So, stop beating yourself.

It was wrong of you to fall for him, and it was naïve of you to trust him. But you did it anyway and the consequences were severe. That is the real painful memory of your past. But, let me remind you something. That is your past. Something that has been long gone. What is the point of holding on to it?

You are safe now. And all you’ve got is yourself.

So, how about you finally focus on yourself and learn how important self-love is?

Don’t you think that you’re being too hard on yourself?

I see that you possess a heart of gold. I see that you are sharing your love with the outside world. I see that you’re helping people overcome the same pain that your heart carries. But I cannot seem to understand why it is so hard for you to give that love to yourself.

You are an amazing human being. A brave soul. You are sunshine in a human form.

When will you understand that? When will you allow yourself to feel happy again?

If I could promise you that this pain will end right here and right now, believe me, I would. But we don’t know that for sure.

What I know is that this doesn’t mean that you cannot overcome that pain on your own. It doesn’t mean that you are not strong enough to accept your life as it is and keep moving on. Because your life no matter how scattered it looks is in your total control.

You have to understand that the only one who can help you is yourself. You deserve to find your peace and take on your new journey. You deserve to start your life over. And you deserve to feel happiness.

So, please find a way to forgive yourself. Find a way to love your broken self. To accept your wounded, flawed and imperfect soul. Time will be on your side and it will heal you.

All you have to do is believe in yourself.

Stephanie Reeds