If you’ve been wanting to spice things up with your partner in the bedroom, you may wonder if fantasizing, role playing, and/or using sex toys is something only a minority of people desire. In fact, all these sides to sex are not only common among partners, but rather, they can also be beneficial. An Indiana University study found that around 53% of women and 45% of men use vibrators. The same study showed that using a sex toy is linked to more positive sexual function and to being more proactive in preserving one’s sexual health. How can experimentation bring couples together, and what types of fantasy are most common among men and women?
What Do Men And Women Fantasize About?
Research undertaken at the University of Quebec surveyed over 1,500 men and women over what they fantasize about sexually. A large percent of both male and female participants said they fantasized about homosexual acts. The top five fantasies for men included oral sex, trios, having sex with someone other than their partner, having sex in an uncommon place, and voyeurism. Women, meanwhile, also fantasize about oral sex, and they tend to be curious about group sex. Some people also fantasize about role playing as a way to safely escape from reality. These fantasies sometimes involve BDSM, but often, they simply involve dressing up in sexy tropes such as Kawaii, dominatrix, or Goth outfits. Fantasy is seen as a way to sustain an exciting monogamous relationship: one that feels new and that emphasizes acceptance and a desire to please oneself and one’s partner.
Bringing Up Experimentation With Your Partner
Couples who are accustomed to living out their sexual fantasies have the bonus of being able to bring up risqué topics with their partner freely. If your relationship is new, or you have not discussed this type of topic and you would like to, then creating a relaxed, friendly atmosphere is key when you decide to bring this up for the first time. A great place to start is by discussing statistics on fantasy – such as those discovered by the University of Quebec researchers. You can ask your partner if their desires line up with the findings, and take the opportunity to mention a few of your own.
Fantasy And BDSM
If you are into bondage or BDSM, then you can safely practice this type of activity while having safe words and respecting healthy boundaries. One study by academics at Tilburg University in the Netherlands found that enjoying this type of sex is not an indicator of having a psychological problem. In fact, said academics, BDSM practitioners may have a psychological edge over the general public. That is, they are more extroverted, more open to new experiences, and more conscientious. They also rank lower on the ‘neurotic’ scale.
In order to keep things spicy in your relationship, being open to trying new things is important, whenever both partners are keen to do so. Role playing, using sex toys, and discussing fantasies can help ensure you and your partner are pleasing each other to the full in the bedroom. If you are into BDSM, then discussing it with your partner and setting up a safety protocol is vital in order to ensure that each partner’s limits are respected at all times.