“Whether you realize it or not, if you hold on to resentment, you’re living in the past. When we’re fully present today, now, there is no past or future. And nobody’s making us feel bad” – Susie Moore, a columnist, and a confidence coach.
The noble act of forgiveness is something that not many have mastered. Many people don’t understand that forgiving someone is rarely about the other person – it is for your own peace of mind instead.
Usually, when we decide to forgive someone is because they asked forgiveness from us and were genuinely sorry for hurting us. But, what if the apology never comes? How can we forgive someone who doesn’t say “I am sorry”?
Here are 6 ways how you can let go and forgive someone who does not apologize.
1. Take responsibility for your feelings
Other people’s words and actions only have power over you if you don’t have control of your feelings and your behavior. So, stop blaming others for the way you feel and start taking responsibility for your feelings instead. By doing this, you won’t feel sorry for yourself and you will be able to forgive anyone and let go of anything.
2. Stop living in the past
If you refuse to let go of your anger and your grudges, you won’t be able to fully enjoy the present moment. When you keep thinking about people who hurt you in the past, you will begin to re-experience all those past emotions and you won’t focus truly on the things that matter most in your life.
3. Focus on yourself, not on others
Forgiving is about resolving someone of their wrongdoing. But, once you focus on yourself instead on what they did to you, you can start the healing process. By focusing on your feelings and what is best for you, forgiveness would come naturally to you because you will find that your own peace of mind is more important than anything.
4. Don’t look to feel offended
Sometimes, we are deliberately looking for reasons to feel offended. Many of us even get addicted to that feeling. However, the other way around is much better. Not allowing yourself to get offended gets you more in control of any situation and makes you able to let go of things and forgive others easily.
5. Look at life through a loving lens
When someone harms you in any way, learn to not hold a grudge. Focus only on the positive things in your life, while turning your anger and resentment into learned lessons.
Or as late professor Lewis B. Smedes said: “Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”