Emotionally abusive relationships are the hardest ones to get out of. Therefore, stop shaming people who can’t leave relationships like that. They want to leave, but they can’t. Try to understand and be more compassionate towards them.
These abusive relationships are the most difficult to escape from because the abuser doesn’t reveal their true colors in the beginning. They don’t leave you feeling hurt and damaged at first. They come in sweet, kind, and gentle. They behave like the perfect partner. They listen to you, pay attention to you, and make you feel special. Like you are everything they’ve been looking for.
Of course, they won’t show the red flags. Many months or years may pass before their toxicity hits you up like a train and leaves you breathless. You know you must get out and far away from them, but you can’t because you can’t imagine your life without them. That’s how strong the abuse is. It tears you down and makes you addicted to the pain.
If you tell them they have offended you, they simply dismiss your remark by saying, “I was kidding” (no, they were not). So, you continue riding on the hellish rollercoaster and you can’t seem to find your way out. Things go slightly well only to quickly turn bad again and it happens again and again. You feel like your life is on the repeat.
They tell you they hate the way you dress, look, they don’t like your friends… And you try to change for them, believing that then everything will change for the better. Sadly, you change so much that you don’t even recognize yourself. You lose your identity and that makes you even more addicted to them.
The abuse gets worse and worse and every hurtful word makes you feel like a thousand of knives getting through your body. The pain is real. Yes, you somehow manage to excuse them saying it’s not their fault and they didn’t really mean it. Or, you start blaming yourself instead, saying, “I really shouldn’t be this sensitive. I am overreacting and acting crazy.”
And then, there are nights and days when you hurt so much that the only thing you want to do is walk away and never look back, but you can’t. You feel as you are tied to the bed and you cannot move. You cannot escape. Why? Because you feel as if you are nothing on your own and you need them to survive.
People that get stuck in relationships like that are not able to leave the abuser until they find their voice again. They cannot walk away, especially if they don’t have anywhere to go to. They need support and help. And they will need it long after they escape the hell they were into.
Therefore, if you know anyone who goes through this, let them know they can count on you. Let them know they are not alone. Let’s be there for one another. Let’s help each other. We all deserve to be happy and loved.