Christmas wouldn’t be so difficult and painful if you were still alive.
If you were still alive, perhaps I’d still be looking forward to Christmas. And perhaps the holidays would still feel special.
If you were still alive this holiday season, I’d want to binge-watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas songs all day long while drinking hot chocolate. And I wouldn’t want to skip over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Instead, I’d want to celebrate them.
If you were still alive this holiday season, perhaps our Christmas and New Year celebrations would be bigger, noisier, and more joyous. Perhaps I’d still believe in Santa Claus like I believed when I was a child. Perhaps we’d drink red wine to celebrate the holidays, and not to forget that you are gone and that you are never coming back.
If you were still alive this holiday season, perhaps we’d have a happier, broader, and warmer smile on our faces. Because now our smiles are just a way to reassure others that we are fine and that everything is going to be all right.
If you were still alive this holiday season, perhaps we’d be in a more festive mood. Perhaps our house would be more decorated. Perhaps our Christmas tree would be bigger. Perhaps we’d be more thrilled to swap Christmas gifts. Perhaps we wouldn’t be talking about how Christmas Day used to be a source of genuine happiness and joy and now is mainly a source of sadness and disappointment. Perhaps we wouldn’t be wondering why the holidays are now a reason to fill our hearts with grief and anguish.
If you were still alive this holiday season, perhaps the whole family would celebrate Christmas together. Perhaps instead of sending each other Merry Christmas messages, we’d still be gathering and having lunch together in the same dining room.
If you were still alive this holiday season, perhaps we’d still feel the Christmas magic. Perhaps there would still be peace in our hearts and hope in our souls. Perhaps we’d hope that the new year has many gifts and blessings in store for us. Perhaps we wouldn’t think that this new year couldn’t be better than the previous one since you aren’t going to be here.
But, perhaps we can still celebrate Christmas without you. Perhaps we can still laugh and have fun during the holidays without you. Perhaps we can long for the past while having fun in the present. Perhaps we can have a good time looking at old photos of you and telling interesting stories about your childhood. Perhaps Christmas can still feel like Christmas knowing that you’ll always be in our hearts.