A few days ago I was faced with a certain uncomfortable situation. I was given a choice to loudly state an unpopular opinion and have my voice heard at the risk of everyone hating me or stay silent in order for everyone to like me.
To my greatest surprise, I caught myself doing something I was too afraid to do for a very long time. I somehow find the courage to be unapologetically myself and share my opinion with the whole world, regardless of how others would think of me.
And it felt amazing. I can honestly say that it was the most liberating feeling that I’ve ever felt in my entire life. There wasn’t a single care on my mind about what others think of me. I was completely myself and I wasn’t interested in being something else.
However, the thing is, I’ve never ever in my life been that confident when it comes to sharing my own beliefs. My entire childhood was me silently backing away instead of standing up for myself because I was too afraid. I was afraid of being rejected.
I wanted to be accepted by the world. Most of all, I wanted to have friends. The saddest part was, my reality was the complete opposite. For some reason, I was bullied a lot and people ignored me. However, that was one of the things that made me who I am today. A stronger and a wiser person.
Still, even though that part of my life is long gone, it’s not forgotten. I still feel that there are some repressed emotions residing inside of me. The reason I am so sure of it is that I can feel those thunderstorms inside of me almost every time I get faced with a similar situation.
Yes, there are days when I can completely be who I am without giving a damn about anything or anyone. But there are also days when my insecurities are louder than anything else and I cannot seem to function the way I want to. In those moments, my mind becomes the most guarded part of myself, and I start preparing myself for a potential threat. In those moments I am ready to fight anyone who is trying to harm me in any way possible.
All of this comes from a very deep place inside my heart.
My reactions today are the results of my past traumas. There’s no doubt in that.
But the scary part is, not all of the people out there know this. Not all of them are aware of this truth. Most people just act the way they feel in the moment, but they don’t bother to find the reason behind their behavior. And so, they continue the vicious cycle of spreading toxicity everywhere they go. Their lives are miserable, and they feel as though life is punishing them for something. But the reality is: They are punishing themselves.
I was one of these people once. But I am happy that I learned my lesson.
Nothing in life hurts us more than our repressed, hidden emotions.
Nothing in life weighs us down more than our unresolved issues.
We all experience difficulties in our lives. Some trigger our anger, some our sadness, some our happiness, some our love and some our fear. The most important thing that determines whether these feelings flow right through us or stay bottled up forever is how we choose to deal with them.
So, if we never bother to ask ourselves why we behave a certain way, we will never allow ourselves to grow. We will never wonder what’s deep inside of us and therefore, we will never discover who we really are. And I am not sure if you are aware of this, but lack of self-knowledge is the equivalent of self-hate.
I know you are scared of what you might find inside of you but know that it is all a part of you. Allow yourself to discover what’s really there because that is the only way you can continue your journey. Taking steps is hard but standing still is even harder in the long run.
Just remember, nothing in life hurts more than repressed emotions. What has been bottled up and hidden away comes back to haunts us when we least expect it.
This article is written by Stephanie Reeds. If you have any questions regarding this topic or one of your own interest, feel free to email me at [email protected] and I will be happy to give you my opinion.
