As a 26-year-old woman who is single, I am pretty much a part of the concept of today’s modern hookup culture – from mastering the art of charming the handsome guy across you at the bar and always thinking of the best response to their texts because you don’t want to seem too interested, to taking the appropriate amount of time (5 seconds) to decide whether to swipe right or left on Tinder.
Sadly, this is the world we live in now and every fiber of my body hates it.
Perhaps it’s because I allow unimportant things and events to stay in my mind longer than it’s healthy for me. Or perhaps it’s because I am overly sensitive, and I tend to overreact. Or maybe this whole concept of modern dating is just so terribly fucked up that it makes me want to punch myself in the throat.
Okay, let’s back up a little. When I was in a committed relationship, I often heard my friends complaining about how difficult and exhausting the single life is and how they can’t seem to find anyone “normal” today. However, it wasn’t until I started to feel it all on my skin that I really understood why everyone seemed so concerned and disappointed.
Because everything out there is so fucking complicated! No one asks you on a date anymore. They ask you to hang out. And after you two hang out you could spend the next 3 days while they are ignoring you to think about what your “date” meant.
Well, you can’t look for a deeper meaning, because remember – you were just hanging out. You were just being casual. And if you want to ask them what your “date” meant, you should do that. Oh – oh, you can’t.
Because this is a twisted world where everyone is scared to feel genuine emotions or are scared to show them at the very least. When people get angry at you, they don’t call you and ask you to talk face-to-face about the issue. No. They ignore you instead.
And if you like someone, god forbid you tell them honestly how you feel – because no one does that. Instead, you give them just enough attention to show them you are interested but not seem too needy or eager to scare them off.
Oh, you don’t like this? Well, too bad. Because this is all a game and if you don’t follow the rules – you’ll lose. And if you lose, you’ll probably drown in your sea of insecurities wondering where you went wrong.
If you want to stay in the game, never ask someone to hang out two nights in a row. You don’t want to seem pushy. Also, if you’ve texted them first the last time, now you must wait for them to text you first. DON’T DOUBLE TEXT, EVER.
Moreover, you don’t want to make the mistake of assuming you have something more going on than just casual dating, even if you are having sex. And you can’t be honest and talk about this with them either because if you do want to bring up this issue, you must first carefully choose the words so as it seems like you are okay with whatever they say (even if you are not).
I am tired of playing these stupid games! I refuse to be a part of this nonsense. One could easily get their master’s degree by using the same amount of energy and time it takes to figure out whether their casual hookup has feelings for them.
As for me, when I like a person, I want to be able to tell them honestly without being afraid that they will take me for granted. Simple as that. But in this chaos today, if I talk to them too much – I am labeled as needy. If I am always available when they reach out to me – I am a pushover, and I don’t have a life.
And I wonder, why anyone sane would let themselves be dragged down into this stupidity and childish behavior?
Well, I won’t be that woman. I am so sick and tired of living in a world where manipulations and apathy are more effective to make someone love you than honest communication and love. I am tired of this power struggle between men and women.
Here’s an idea: Let’s all stop lying to ourselves and others. Let’s respect each other enough to always speak the truth. If we like someone, we should tell them. If someone makes us happy, we should let them know.
Most importantly, if you are not interested in someone – please, don’t be a coward and tell them! Don’t ignore a person until they disappear.
It’s time that we all just grow up and be kinder and more honest with each other. Because at the end of the day, we are all human and we are all trying to make sense out of this global mess.
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