I used to believe that being agreeable, gentle, and kind will make other people accept me. I was walking on eggshells trying to make the person who was toxic to love me because I thought that the nicer I was, the more likely it would have been for them to change their bad behavior.
Therefore, I avoided all the things that might make other people think of me as a bad, unlikeable, imperfect, and antagonizing person. Because the mere thought of someone hating me gave me a sick feeling to my stomach.
That’s when I became a people pleaser.
Some people were easier to please than others. Some even tried to reciprocate my efforts. But, the majority of them took me for granted and the more I tried to please them, the more they treated me like rubbish. That unhealthy pattern made me lose all the self-love and my self-esteem was destroyed.
I lost touch with myself and I was feeling miserable, devastated, and abused. I was doing everything to make everyone around me happy that I forgot about myself. I never stopped myself to think “Am I happy?” I failed to realize that no matter what you do and how good you are with someone if they want to find fault – they will.
In reality, pleasing others will never get you the love and the respect you want from others. It will backfire on you and it will cause the opposite effect.
It took some time, but I finally understood that I will never get the love and respect I want if I don’t change. So, I did. I stopped being a people-pleaser because honestly, I was sick of it. I couldn’t take it anymore. Because underneath my kindness there was fear and anxiety.
I know now that if I don’t treat myself with respect and love, other people will never treat me that way. If I don’t love myself and I am not kind to myself people will abuse me and step over my boundaries because I will allow them to do so. I will have a hard time saying no and I will hurt myself while making the others happy.
Therefore, I decided to put an end to it. I decided to work on myself and change my beliefs, perspectives, and behaviors.
I chose to love myself more.
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