Yesterday, I caught myself being unapologetically myself – without second-thinking, without a filter, without caring about what other people would say. And it felt WONDERFUL. I felt relieved.
However, this is not something that is common for me. I usually don’t dare to express my opinion in a bold and open manner. I restrict myself because I don’t want to get into conflict with others.
I am someone who is often shying away from expressing herself and speaking up and who finds herself often nodding her head and agreeing to what other people have to say because I don’t like other people to perceive me as rude and confrontational (ew!).
And I realized that these feelings that work against me come from unresolved emotions and pain, some even from childhood. This unhealed pain and emotions have become a part of my identity.
That’s why I had to protect myself and build a solid defense mechanism. This defense mechanism shows its face every time I am around people I don’t know, or I don’t trust. I become guarded and extremely sensitive to their energy. I always expect that something bad will happen, so I am always prepared for the worst-case scenario.
I back down because I don’t want to deal with others. It is safer for me to retreat and just agree with them than put myself into the position to have to fight with them.
I am confident that there is always a deep reason why we act the way we act.
We can always go back to find the reason why we act in a certain way when we are faced with a certain pattern that is the trigger for our reaction.
And it can be challenging and difficult for us, especially when we allow those unresolved feelings shape our reality and determine our reactions. We need to let go of them in order to move on freely. But, it’s not an easy process…
Because nothing stems deeper than the unresolved emotions and pain buried inside of us.
But we must do it. We must alleviate ourselves from it. We must come to terms with ourselves and our emotions. We must get real and ask ourselves why we act the way we act, what unresolved traumas are blocking us from becoming our true selves, and how can we let go of them.
The thing is, life is a series of good and bad experiences. We cannot escape the bad things and the negative emotions that come with them.
Therefore, it’s essential for us to become very aware of ourselves and pay attention to the parts of us that are not healed yet. And never again let our vision to get blurred.
We must ask, we must wonder, we must admit to ourselves why we act in a certain way so that we would be more careful in the future. Self-knowledge and awareness are power.
So, keep wondering, keep asking, keep digging into your core to rediscover yourself and heal your wounds.
Because nothing stems deeper than the unresolved pain and emotions.
And nothing can stop you from becoming the best version of yourself like the negativity that comes from deep buried frustrations and pain.
