Have you ever been in love so naively, so strongly, so passionately with someone that you couldn’t believe how lucky you are to have finally found a person who is everything you were looking for? Well, I have. Unluckily, with a narcissist.
That narcissist destroyed me. Broke my heart. Sadness was coming to me in waves and happiness was nowhere to be found. The pain was so intense that it left me numb. I was once a romantic, a believer and fighter for true love. Now, I am a skeptic and I don’t believe in love anymore.
And I wonder, will I ever be able to feel like myself again? Can I love again? Because God knows I have almost given up.
Of course, I wasn’t like this. I was one of those happy bubbly people that are always grateful for what they have and always have a smile on their face. I was the most enthusiastic and optimistic person who always believed in the power of love.
However, my experience with the narcissist has changed me to the core. Now I am not half the person I used to be. The happiness and enthusiasm that I once had, are now fears and anxieties that I must face every single day.
I trusted the narcissist. I was convinced that what we had was something special. They made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I thought they were having my back. I thought they loved me with the same intensity as I loved them… How wrong was I…
They made me feel safe with them so that I would drop my guard. And once I did, their mission was complete because I was completely vulnerable, unprotected, and at their mercy.
I guess the joke’s on me. It was my fault for allowing someone like that into my life and heart. Someone with a long history of broken relationships and broken hearts. Someone incapable of loving anyone other than themselves.
That was my mistake. I thought they would change. I thought my love would change them. I offered them my heart, my body, and my soul. Every cell of my body was full of love for them. An unconditional and selfless love…
The narcissist made me a prisoner of myself and my love. Because I have lost myself in the arms of someone who was ruthlessly destroying the lives of everyone who loved them.
Yes, I lost myself to a narcissist… I was romanticizing my suffering and pain and calling it love. I thought I was a fighter for love. I never noticed that I was fighting alone.
In the process of loving them, I lost my self-worth and my confidence. I took the blame for everything. I let them manipulate me. I let them use me for their own selfish purposes… That’s how I lost myself.
Luckily, I have found myself again.
I went through hell, but I came back stronger than ever. And I am glad I did because I learned a valuable life lesson.
Because of them, now I know what I want and what I deserve.
And I won’t be fooled again.