There’s something that has been bothering me for a while and I feel like it is finally time to let it out in the open.
What is it about people nowadays that make them normalize toxic and harmful, relationship behaviors? Are we that desperate to be in a relationship? Or have our standards just lowered?
Whatever it is, it is driving me crazy. And honestly, it makes me sad…
The most tragic thing about all of this is the fact that we’ve gotten so used to these unhealthy habits, that they’ve kind of became a part of our lives now. We’ve accepted them as normal behaviors without being aware that doing so will eventually destroy both our lives and our relationships…
Below are the 5 most common toxic relationship behaviors that many couples think are normal, but are actually incredible harmful and destructive:
1. Blaming your partner for your feelings. You had a shitty day at work and you are pissed. So, what? It’s not like you are the only one. Is that a reason to blame it all on your partner and lash out on them for asking you how are you? It most definitely isn’t. Blaming someone else for your emotions is the most selfish and immature thing that you can do. Instead of setting a precedent that your loved one is responsible for what you feel, try taking responsibility for your emotions instead. That way you won’t end up being responsible for making your relationship codependent. For that life can easily lead to suppressed anger and silent resentment in the long run.
2. Keeping score. I’ve said it once and I will say it again. Your relationship is not a competition. If the connection that you share with your partner is based on keeping score on who did what in the relationship, you two are doomed. I am sorry, but I am not going to sugarcoat the truth anymore. This is a silly, toxic, tit-for-tat game that prevents couples from being happy and grateful for all the great things that they have together. Keeping score won’t make your relationship better, it will only fill your life with guilt and bitterness.
3. Behaving passively aggressive and dropping hints instead of saying something out loud. If something bothers you, you should find a way to figure it out, not piss people off by acting passively aggressive. Behaving that way is just a sign that you and your partner are lacking communication in your relationship. A person has no reason to drop hints like that if they know where they are in life and how they feel in the relationship.
4. Displaying excessive amounts of “loving” jealousy. Being jealous every once in a while is okay and it is perfectly normal. Of course, if there is a real reason behind it. But getting pissed whenever your partner talks to another person or simply smiles at them, is downright crazy. And believe me, it is not cute. This behavior often leads people to follow their partners, hack their accounts, and look through their messages without permission. What’s important to understand is that this is not a display of affection. It is manipulation. So, here’s an idea. How about you start trusting your partner instead?
5. Holding the relationship hostage. If you aren’t familiar with this term, holding your relationship hostage means emotionally blackmailing your partner. It’s choosing to say “I can’t be with someone who does acts so cold around me” instead of “I feel like we are becoming distant”. It’s obvious that this is not a proper way to communicate your feelings. Why? Well, for one because it causes a lot of unnecessary drama. Also, because it is manipulative and truly insensitive to your partner’s feelings. The only way you will get out of this is through communication. Honest, heartfelt and real communication. That is how two people should share their feelings and thoughts, regardless of how negative and dark they are, without putting their relationship into jeopardy and threatening their connection.
So, do you agree with this? Would you add anything else to the list?