When it comes to dealing with manipulators and narcissists, there are many myths and misconceptions about the healing process that comes after the abuse.
1. YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE ANGER YOU ARE FEELING
You don’t have to let go of the anger immediately. It will happen with time, and until then all you have to do is learn to control it so that it doesn’t get the best of you. You went through hell and back and it’s okay to feel angry about what they’ve done to you. They hurt you on purpose and you shouldn’t pretend that you are okay with it when you are not.
2. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOUR ABUSER
Don’t feel obliged to forgive them just because almost every article says you should do it in order to heal. No. If you don’t want to forgive them the hurt they inflicted on you, don’t do it. It’s your right to do what’s best for you.
3. IT IS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT LEAVING THEM SOONER
No, it is not. You did everything in your power to leave them. Sadly, you were so addicted to them that you couldn’t. You were abused and manipulated into staying with them. They played with your psyche and gaslighted your sanity. You are a victim and a survivor, so stop blaming yourself for what happened.
4. YOUR ABUSER MIGHT GROW UP AND CHANGE INTO A BETTER PERSON
You know that’s not true. You may hope that they will change and everything will be perfect, but you will only get disappointed. A person with manipulative and narcissistic characteristics doesn’t change, especially not for another person.
5. YOU MUST REMAIN SINGLE FOR A FEW YEARS TO HEAL
Of course you must take all the time you need to heal and get back on your feet before you are ready to date again. However, if someone special comes into your life and you feel like they are real, go for it. Don’t hold yourself back.
Everyone heals in a different way. Choose your way of healing and ignore what everyone else tells you. Only you know what feels good to you and your heart.