Intimate Wellness for Beginners: How to Choose Your First Toy (Without Feeling Awkward)

If you have ever hovered over “add to basket” and immediately questioned every life choice you have ever made, welcome. Buying your first intimate toy can feel strangely intimidating, even when you are a functioning adult who can file a tax return and keep a plant alive.

The good news is that choosing your first toy does not need to be explicit, complicated, or cringe. Think of it like choosing a new skincare product or a fitness tool: you want something safe, easy to use, and suited to your goals. This guide will help you pick confidently, with minimal faff and zero judgement.

Why intimate wellness counts as self-care

Intimate wellness is not just about “spice”. For many people, it is about relaxation, body confidence, stress relief, and comfort. Exploring what feels good, gently and privately, can help you reconnect with your body and switch off the noise of the day. If that sounds like self-care, that is because it is.

Step 1: Decide what you actually want (keep it simple)

For beginners, the best starting point is usually one of these:

1. A small external vibrator or personal massager

Great for gentle, beginner-friendly sensation and easy to understand controls.

1. An air pulse toy

Often described as a “no direct contact” style of sensation, these can feel intense, so look for one with a wide range of low settings.

1. A slim internal vibrator

If you want internal stimulation, choose a smaller, smoother shape with a flexible neck and simple modes.

You do not need to choose the “perfect” category. You only need a sensible starting point that feels comfortable and low-pressure.

Step 2: Prioritise body-safe materials (non-negotiable)

If it touches sensitive skin, material matters. For a first toy, look for:

• Medical-grade silicone (body-safe, soft, easy to clean)
• ABS plastic (hard, body-safe, often used in air pulse toys)
• Avoid porous materials that can trap bacteria

If a listing does not clearly state the material, skip it. If a deal looks suspiciously cheap, trust your instincts. Your body deserves better than mystery silicone.

Step 3: Choose the right size and shape

Beginner tip: smaller is usually better. Not because you cannot handle more, but because smaller is easier to position, less intimidating, and more versatile.

Look for:

• Compact designs that fit comfortably in your hand
• Smooth shapes with no sharp edges
• Gentle curves rather than extreme angles

If you are unsure, choose “slim” or “mini” versions first. You can always upgrade later.

Step 4: Keep controls and settings beginner-friendly

A common beginner mistake is buying something with 47 modes and a user manual that reads like an aircraft checklist.

What to look for instead:

• 1 to 3 buttons, clearly labelled
• A few steady speeds plus a couple of patterns
• A low starting intensity

You want intuitive, not impressive.

Step 5: Consider noise, waterproofing, and charging

These features matter more than people admit:

• Noise: If you live with others, a quieter motor can help you relax.
• Waterproof: Useful for easy cleaning, and bath or shower use if you like.
• USB rechargeable: More convenient and usually more powerful than batteries.
• Travel lock: Stops your toy switching on in a drawer, or worse, a suitcase.

Step 6: Do not forget lubricant (it is a comfort tool)

Lubricant is not only for “when there is a problem”. It is a comfort upgrade. For beginners, a good water-based lubricant is usually the easiest option because it works with most toys and condoms, and it rinses away cleanly.

Quick rule:

• If your toy is silicone, stick to water-based unless the brand explicitly says silicone lube is safe with it.

Step 7: Make cleaning and storage easy

If cleaning feels complicated, you will put it off, and then you will use it less. Keep it simple:

• Wash with warm water and a gentle, fragrance-free soap, or use a purpose-made toy cleaner
• Dry thoroughly
• Store in a clean pouch or case, away from dust and direct sunlight

If you buy more than one toy, avoid storing them touching each other, especially if they are silicone.

A low-awkwardness shopping checklist

Before you buy, ask:

• Is the material clearly body-safe?
• Is the size beginner-friendly?
• Are the controls simple?
• Does it have a low starting intensity?
• Is it easy to clean?
• Do I have a water-based lubricant and a cleaner?

If you can tick most of those boxes, you are doing it right.

What to avoid as a first toy

• Extremely large or heavy designs that are hard to control
• Anything labelled “advanced” if you feel unsure
• Strongly scented products for intimate use
• Porous materials or unclear listings
• Overly cheap bundles that look too good to be true

You are not being fussy. You are being sensible.

How Fable & Femme helps beginners choose

At Fable & Femme, we curate with beginners in mind: body-safe materials, reliable brands, and clear descriptions that tell you who a product is for. We also publish practical Wellness Guides to remove the guesswork, so you can choose calmly, not in a mild panic at 11 pm.

If you are new to all this, start with comfort and simplicity. Pick one well-made product, add a water-based lubricant, and give yourself permission to explore with curiosity rather than pressure. No one is grading you, and there is no “correct” way to begin.

Final reassurance

Feeling awkward does not mean you are doing something wrong. It usually means you are doing something new, in a culture that has not always made this topic easy. The aim is not to become an expert overnight. The aim is to feel more comfortable in your body and more confident in your choices.

Start small. Stay curious. Choose quality. And if you need guidance, that is what we are here for.