It is not that I am afraid of love. It’s not that I’m afraid to love and be loved. It’s not that I’m afraid of getting disappointed and hurt.
I just want to achieve happiness on my own. I want to find out what fills my heart with joy. I want to find that kind of happiness which doesn’t fade away when someone disappoints me or gives up on me and abandons me. I want to achieve the kind of happiness that can endure any “Goodbye” and any “I’m sorry, but we’re not meant to be together.”
I want to be the only person who defines and shapes my happiness. And I refuse to pass on this responsibility to other people.
I want to see the world just the way it is, even when I am on my own. I want to create my own world which will be full of beautiful colors, rainbows, and stars, even when nobody sees me as their most shining star.
I want my heart to be full of happiness, gratitude, and love, even when no one occupies a special place in it.
And when someone I’m truly in love with leaves me, I don’t want my world to crumble. I don’t want my hopes to be shattered. I don’t want to despair. I don’t want to feel weak. I don’t want to feel worthless.
Because I don’t want to beg for anyone’s attention or affection. I don’t want to let my relationship status determine my happiness and worth.
I just want to be happy with who I am. I want to be satisfied with everything I’ve achieved in life.
But, please don’t get me wrong. Like I’ve said, it’s not that I’m afraid of love. I just want to know that I won’t feel broken and empty if someone cuts me out of their life.
I want to know that my world won’t get wrapped in darkness if someone tears my heart apart. I want to know that I won’t feel alone and lost if someone decides that I should no longer be a part of their life.
No, I’m not afraid to love and be loved. Because if I find someone worthy of my attention and love, I’ll give them the key to my heart.
I will show them every part of me. I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ll undress my soul in front of them and let them see my deepest fears and insecurities.
But, you know what?
I won’t give them permission to break my heart into tiny pieces. I won’t let them destroy my hope. I won’t let them fill my life with sadness, disappointment, loneliness, and regret.
I won’t let them make me feel weak and unimportant.
Because I know my worth. I am aware of every problem I’ve had to deal with and every pain I’ve had to overcome in life to become who I am today.
I am aware of my strength. My resilience. My qualities.
I know that I’m more than good enough.
So, if you choose to love me and be with me, then get ready to love me for who I am. Get ready to handle the intensity of my love. Get ready to cherish me the way I deserve.
I will give you my heart. I’ll give you my soul. I’ll love you with every fiber of my being.