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I’m Not Afraid Of Being Alone, I’m Afraid Of Being In A One-Sided Relationship

being single

Sadly, a lot of people today choose to stay in poor, one-sided relationships since they are afraid of being single. They think that being single means being lonely and unhappy. But, nothing could be further from the truth.

And I know this the best. Being alone used to be such a scary thought to me. But after dating a couple of immature and selfish guys, I realized that being single isn’t scary. What’s scary is being in a sh*tty relationship.

Yes, my heart has been broken and my trust betrayed many times before, and the last thing I want to do is to allow someone to do the same to me again.

I’ve been single for two years now and I can proudly say that singledom has made me change the way I perceive romantic relationships. It has also made me change my perspective on life, and it’s enabled me to explore the hidden corners of my soul and understand the importance of self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love.

However, I don’t want to get misunderstood. I am not saying that being in a relationship is a waste of time. All I’m trying to say is that now it might not be the right time yet.

As for me, I can proudly say that I am not afraid of being alone – I am afraid of being in a one-sided relationship:

Here is why:

1. I’m not afraid of being by myself, I’m afraid of being with someone who doesn’t let me be myself.

I’m not afraid of enjoying my company. I’m afraid of being with a guy who doesn’t accept and cherish me for who I truly am. A guy who can’t accept my flaws and constantly tries to mold me into something he needs.

A guy who criticizes every step I make. A guy who makes me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.  

A guy who doesn’t let me do the things I enjoy doing and who disrespects my boundaries and limits my freedom. A guy who doesn’t let me be that straightforward, clumsy, funny, and sarcastic girl I am.

2I’m not afraid of spending time alone, I’m afraid of spending my time in bad company.

I’m not afraid of eating dinner at my favorite restaurant alone, or going to the cinema on my own, or going shopping for clothes by myself because I feel comfortable in my own skin and enjoy being on my own.

But, I’m afraid of doing all this with someone who doesn’t appreciate spending time with me. Someone who sees spending time with me as just one more obligation he has to fulfill. Someone with whom I share nothing in common.

3. I’m not afraid of sleeping alone, I’m afraid of waking up next to a stranger.

I don’t mind going to bed and waking up alone, at least now, but I fear I’ll wake up one day and I won’t recognize the person by my side. I fear he won’t be that charming, loving, kind, tender, and compassionate guy I fell in love with.

I fear to wake up next to a guy who has stopped loving and caring about me and to whom I no longer mean anything.

4. I’m not afraid of making mistakes, I’m afraid of being with the wrong guy.

Mistakes are a part of life, and oftentimes, they’re the most valuable lessons life can teach us. And I’m not afraid of my mistakes because they teach me what things I should or shouldn’t do to feel good about myself. The only mistake I’m scared of is being with the wrong guy.

The guy I’ll have to beg for his attention and love. The guy who will fool me with sweet words and promises. The guy who will have mixed feelings for me and who will wonder whether I’m worth settling down with.

5. I’m not afraid of making love, I’m afraid of making love without feeling I’m loved.

I don’t want to be with a guy who focuses more on the physical than on the emotional. A guy who is good in bed, but lacks genuine emotions, and who only cares about satisfying his needs. A guy who sees me more like an object than a person who has needs and desires.

I don’t want to give my body to a guy who doesn’t deserve anything I have to offer. A guy whom I’ll make love to, but I won’t feel his warmth and love for me. A guy who’s only interested in physically connecting with me, but never emotionally and mentally.

6. I’m not afraid of conversations, I’m afraid of talking with a guy who doesn’t understand me.

I’m afraid of being with a guy who is only physically present when I’m talking to him, but who never listens carefully to what I have to tell him. A guy with whom I’ll have small, boring talks because we have nothing important to share with each other.

A guy who criticizes and doesn’t respect my ideas, opinions, and attitudes, and who tries to convince me that he’s the one who always knows what’s true and what’s wrong.

I’m afraid of being with a guy who can’t make meaningful and interesting conversations.

7. I’m not afraid of being single, I’m afraid of being with a guy who doesn’t give a damn about me.

I’ve learned to enjoy my own company, but I fear to fully devote myself to a guy who doesn’t deserve even the smallest piece of me. A guy who only treats me as his option and never a priority. A guy who treats me with love and kindness only when he wants to get something from me or when he needs me to boost his ego.

I fear to be with a guy who doesn’t make me feel loved, protected, and emotionally fulfilled.  A guy who won’t be able to hear the unsaid thoughts, feel the emotions spoken without words, and reach the deepest parts of my soul. A guy who won’t be brave enough to love me and be proud of me and my achievements and who won’t inspire me to become a better version of myself.

Riley Cooper