If you are coming from a toxic family, then you’ve probably had to face many difficulties in your life that have completely changed your perception of the world in a bad way.
And if you decided to cut off all the communication with them because you got tired of feeling bad all the time, and so, you said to yourself ‘enough is enough’ because you had to protect yourself – then you probably know that that’s one of the hardest things that a person can do.
But even though it is difficult, it is still one of the most important things that you can do for yourself for your highest good.
Your toxic family members have done more damage to you than good, and you know that. So, if you decided to be brave and stop talking to them completely – congratulations!
Growing up in a toxic family means that you had to suppress a lot of resentment, sadness, and anger. And that’s why you are probably experiencing these 3 difficulties in your life now.
1. ANXIETY
If you grew up in a toxic family, then you may be experiencing anxiety and in a very different way. Perhaps your parents didn’t allow you to hang out with friends or go to social events. Or maybe you just weren’t able to experience many things like a normal kid should. All of this contributed to your anxiety.
One study from Ben-Gurion University in Israel discovered that a higher percentage of adults with anxiety come from toxic and dysfunctional families.
“Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves,” writes Susan Forward, the author of “Toxic Parents.”
2. COMMUNICATION AND INTERACTION WITH OTHER PEOPLE IS VERY HARD FOR YOU.
Whether it is something physical, like a hug or a kiss, or emotional, like a romantic relationship, if you were raised in a toxic family, then letting someone close to you is almost impossible. And it’s not that you don’t want the connection, but you feel burdened by it. It is so hard for you to open to others because you have trust issues and you fear being hurt again.
Those children who grew up in toxic families have spent their childhood and their teenage years hiding away their family from their friends because they didn’t want everyone to see the immense toxicity and dysfunctionality in their home.
That’s why these children turned into emotionally crippled adults, unable to form stable and healthy relationships because they never learned how to openly talk about their feelings with their parents.
“Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful — something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for.”
3. NARCISSISTIC ABUSE AND GASLIGHTING PUTS YOU ON THE DEFENSIVE AND MAKES YOU QUESTION WHAT IS REAL.
If you grew up in a toxic family, then you were probably accused and punished for things that you didn’t do. You felt like your parents were punishing you on purpose, even though they were sometimes aware that you were innocent.
Your parents used violent and hurtful language with you. They distorted your reality and blurred your vision on what is real and what is not, causing you to not trust your senses and your own perceptions and emotions. This is called ‘gaslighting’ and it’s the most dangerous type of psychological abuse.
If you too are experiencing these things, then know that you are not alone. The first step towards healing is recognizing all these types of emotional abuse and understanding why it is all happening. You have to see and accept all the ways that you were hurt, and then allow yourself to heal.
